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- Джон Фоулз
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- Коллекционер
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- Стр. 297/299
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All
I
had
to
do
was
kill
myself
,
then
the
others
could
think
what
they
liked
.
The
people
in
the
waiting
-
room
,
the
Annexe
people
,
Aunt
Annie
and
Mabel
,
all
of
them
.
I
would
be
out
of
it
.
I
started
thinking
how
I
could
do
it
,
how
I
could
go
into
Lewes
as
soon
as
the
shops
opened
and
get
a
lot
of
aspros
and
some
flowers
,
chrysanths
were
her
favourite
.
Then
take
the
aspros
and
go
down
with
the
flowers
and
lie
beside
her
.
Post
a
letter
first
to
the
police
.
So
they
would
find
us
down
there
together
.
Together
in
the
Great
Beyond
.
We
would
be
buried
together
.
Like
Romeo
and
Juliet
.
It
would
be
a
real
tragedy
.
Not
sordid
.
I
would
get
some
proper
respect
if
I
did
it
.
If
I
destroyed
the
photos
,
that
was
all
there
was
,
people
would
see
I
never
did
anything
nasty
to
her
,
it
would
be
truly
tragic
.
I
thought
it
out
,
and
then
I
went
and
got
the
photos
and
the
negatives
,
all
ready
to
burn
first
thing
in
the
morning
.
It
was
like
I
had
to
have
some
definite
plan
.
Anything
,
so
long
as
it
was
definite
.
There
was
the
money
,
but
I
didn
’
t
care
any
more
.
Aunt
Annie
and
Mabel
would
get
it
.
Miranda
talked
about
the
Save
the
Children
fund
,
but
she
was
already
half
off
her
rocker
.
All
those
charities
are
run
by
crooks
.
Save
the
Trustees
,
more
like
.
I
wanted
what
money
couldn
’
t
buy
.
If
I
really
had
got
a
nasty
mind
I
would
not
have
gone
to
all
the
trouble
I
did
,
I
would
have
just
visited
the
women
you
read
about
on
the
boards
in
Paddington
and
Soho
and
done
what
I
wanted
.
You
can
’
t
buy
happiness
.
I
must
have
heard
Aunt
Annie
say
that
a
hundred
times
.
Ha
ha
,
I
always
thought
,
just
let
’
s
have
a
try
first
.
Well
,
I
had
my
try
.
Because
what
it
is
,
it
’
s
luck
