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- Джон Фоулз
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- Коллекционер
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- Стр. 296/299
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It
came
to
midnight
and
I
couldn
’
t
sleep
,
I
had
to
have
all
the
lights
on
,
I
don
’
t
believe
in
spirits
but
it
seemed
better
with
the
lights
.
I
kept
on
thinking
of
her
,
thinking
perhaps
it
was
my
fault
after
all
that
she
did
what
she
did
and
lost
my
respect
,
then
I
thought
it
was
her
fault
,
she
asked
for
everything
she
got
.
Then
I
didn
’
t
know
what
to
think
,
my
head
seemed
to
go
bang
bang
bang
,
and
I
knew
I
couldn
’
t
live
at
Fosters
any
more
.
I
wanted
to
drive
away
and
never
come
back
.
I
thought
,
I
could
sell
up
and
go
out
to
Australia
.
But
then
there
was
all
the
covering
up
to
do
first
.
It
was
too
much
.
The
next
thing
was
I
got
the
police
on
the
brain
.
I
decided
the
best
thing
was
to
go
to
the
police
and
tell
them
the
lot
.
I
even
got
my
coat
on
to
drive
down
.
I
thought
I
was
going
mad
,
I
kept
on
looking
in
the
mirror
and
trying
to
see
it
in
my
face
.
I
had
this
horrible
idea
,
I
was
mad
,
everyone
else
could
see
it
,
only
I
couldn
’
t
.
I
kept
remembering
how
people
in
Lewes
seemed
to
look
at
me
sometimes
,
like
the
people
in
that
doctor
’
s
waiting
-
room
.
They
all
knew
I
was
mad
.
It
came
to
two
o
’
clock
.
I
don
’
t
know
why
,
I
began
to
think
her
being
dead
was
all
a
mistake
,
perhaps
she
had
just
been
asleep
.
So
I
had
to
go
down
to
make
sure
.
It
was
horrible
.
Soon
as
I
went
down
in
the
outer
cellar
I
started
imagining
things
.
Like
she
might
step
out
of
a
corner
with
a
hatchet
.
Or
she
would
not
be
there
—
even
though
the
door
was
bolted
she
would
have
vanished
.
Like
in
a
horror
-
film
.
She
was
there
.
Lying
there
,
all
in
the
silence
.
I
touched
her
.
She
was
so
cold
,
so
cold
it
gave
me
a
shock
.
I
still
couldn
’
t
understand
it
was
true
,
how
she
’
d
been
living
only
a
few
hours
before
,
and
just
a
few
days
back
walking
about
,
drawing
,
doing
her
knitting
.
And
now
this
.
Then
something
moved
at
the
other
end
of
the
cellar
,
back
by
the
door
.
It
must
have
been
a
draught
.
Something
broke
in
me
,
I
lost
my
head
,
I
rushed
out
and
fell
up
the
stair
in
the
outer
cellar
and
out
.
I
locked
the
door
down
double
quick
and
got
into
the
house
and
locked
that
door
and
all
the
bolts
home
.
After
a
while
the
shaking
stopped
,
I
calmed
down
.
But
all
I
could
think
was
how
this
was
the
end
.
I
couldn
’
t
live
with
her
down
there
like
that
.
It
was
then
I
got
the
idea
.
It
kept
on
coming
back
,
this
feeling
that
she
was
lucky
to
be
done
with
it
all
,
no
more
worries
,
no
more
hiding
,
no
more
things
you
want
to
be
and
won
’
t
ever
be
.
But
finished
,
the
lot
.
