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Anyhow
I
was
so
without
sleep
I
didn
t
know
what
I
was
doing
half
the
time
.
I
was
all
on
my
own
,
as
always
.
I
had
no
one
to
turn
to
.
Well
I
went
into
Lewes
and
(
it
was
just
after
nine
)
into
the
first
chemist
I
saw
open
and
asked
for
the
nearest
doctor
,
which
the
girl
told
me
from
a
list
she
had
.
It
was
a
house
in
a
street
I
d
never
been
.
I
saw
on
the
door
surgery
began
at
8
:
30
and
I
ought
to
have
guessed
there
would
be
a
lot
of
people
as
usual
,
but
for
some
reason
I
just
saw
myself
going
in
and
seeing
the
doctor
straight
off
.
I
must
have
looked
daft
in
the
room
,
with
all
the
people
looking
at
me
,
all
the
seats
were
taken
and
another
young
man
was
standing
up
.
Well
,
they
all
seemed
to
be
looking
at
me
,
I
hadn
t
the
nerve
to
go
straight
through
to
the
doctor
so
I
stood
by
the
wall
.
If
only
I
could
have
gone
straight
in
I
d
have
done
it
,
everything
would
have
been
all
right
,
it
was
having
to
be
with
all
those
other
people
in
that
room
.
I
hadn
t
been
in
a
room
with
other
people
for
a
long
time
,
only
in
and
out
of
shops
,
it
felt
strange
,
as
I
say
,
they
all
seemed
to
look
at
me
,
one
old
woman
especially
wouldn
t
take
her
eyes
off
me
,
I
thought
I
must
look
peculiar
in
some
way
.
I
picked
a
magazine
off
the
table
,
but
of
course
I
didn
t
read
it
.
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Well
,
I
began
to
think
there
all
about
what
would
happen
,
it
would
be
all
right
for
a
day
or
two
,
the
doctor
and
M
perhaps
wouldn
t
talk
,
but
then
.
.
.
I
knew
what
he
would
say
,
she
must
go
into
hospital
,
I
couldn
t
look
after
her
properly
.
And
then
I
thought
I
might
get
a
nurse
in
,
but
she
wouldn
t
be
long
finding
out
what
happened
Aunt
Annie
always
said
nurses
were
the
nosiest
parkers
of
them
all
,
she
never
could
abide
people
with
long
noses
and
nor
could
I
.
The
doctor
came
out
just
then
to
call
in
the
next
patient
,
he
was
a
tall
man
with
a
moustache
,
and
he
said
,
"
Next
"
as
if
he
was
sick
of
seeing
all
these
people
.
I
mean
,
he
sounded
really
irritated
,
I
don
t
think
it
was
my
imagination
,
I
saw
a
woman
make
a
face
at
the
one
next
to
her
when
he
went
back
in
his
room
.
He
came
out
again
and
I
could
see
he
was
the
officer
type
in
the
army
,
they
ve
got
no
sympathy
with
you
,
they
just
give
you
orders
,
you
re
not
their
class
and
they
treat
everyone
else
as
if
they
were
dirt
.
On
top
of
that
,
this
old
woman
started
staring
at
me
again
and
she
made
me
hot
under
the
collar
,
I
hadn
t
slept
all
night
and
I
was
wrought
up
,
I
suppose
.
Anyhow
,
I
knew
I
d
had
enough
.
So
I
turned
and
walked
out
and
went
and
sat
in
the
van
.
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It
was
seeing
all
those
people
.
It
made
me
see
Miranda
was
the
only
person
in
the
world
I
wanted
to
live
with
.
It
made
me
sick
of
the
whole
damn
lot
.
What
I
did
then
was
to
go
to
a
chemist
and
say
I
wanted
something
for
very
bad
flu
.
It
was
a
shop
I
hadn
t
been
to
before
,
luckily
there
was
no
one
else
there
,
so
I
could
give
my
story
.
I
said
I
had
a
friend
who
was
a
Peculiar
Person
(
they
don
t
believe
in
doctors
)
and
he
had
very
bad
flu
,
perhaps
pneumonia
,
and
we
had
to
give
him
something
secretly
.
Well
,
the
girl
produced
the
same
stuff
as
I
d
bought
before
and
I
said
I
wanted
penicillin
or
the
other
stuff
,
but
she
said
it
had
to
be
on
doctor
s
prescription
.
Unfortunately
,
the
boss
came
out
that
moment
,
and
she
went
and
told
him
and
he
came
up
and
said
I
must
see
a
doctor
and
explain
the
case
.
I
said
I
d
pay
anything
,
but
he
just
shook
his
head
and
said
it
was
against
the
law
.
Then
he
wanted
to
know
if
my
friend
lived
locally
,
and
I
left
before
he
started
nosing
any
further
.
I
tried
two
other
chemists
,
but
they
both
said
the
same
and
I
was
scared
to
ask
any
more
so
I
took
some
medicine
they
could
sell
,
a
different
kind
.
Then
I
went
back
.
I
could
hardly
drive
,
I
was
so
tired
.