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A
crazy
,
wounded
kind
of
relief
had
crept
into
Rachel
's
puffy
face
.
"
She
was
demanding
...
hateful
.
Sometimes
she
'd
piss
in
her
bed
deliberately
.
My
mother
would
ask
her
if
she
wanted
help
getting
to
the
bathroom
...
and
later
,
when
she
could
n't
get
up
anymore
,
if
she
wanted
the
bedpan
...
and
Zelda
would
say
no
...
and
then
she
'd
piss
the
bed
so
my
mother
or
my
mother
and
I
would
have
to
change
the
sheets
...
and
she
'd
say
it
was
an
accident
,
but
you
could
see
the
smile
in
her
eyes
,
Louis
.
You
could
see
it
.
The
room
always
smelled
of
piss
and
her
drugs
...
she
had
bottles
of
some
dope
that
smelled
like
Smith
Brothers
"
Wild
Cherry
cough
drops
and
that
smell
was
always
there
...
some
nights
I
wake
up
...
even
now
I
wake
up
and
I
think
I
can
smell
Wild
Cherry
cough
drops
...
and
I
think
...
if
I
'm
not
really
awake
...
I
think
"
Is
Zelda
dead
yet
?
Is
she
?
'
...
I
think
...
"
Rachel
caught
her
breath
.
Louis
took
her
hand
and
she
squeezed
his
fingers
with
savage
,
brilliant
tightness
.
"
When
we
changed
her
you
could
see
the
way
her
back
was
twisting
and
knotting
.
Near
the
end
,
Louis
,
near
the
end
it
seemed
like
her
...
like
her
ass
had
somehow
gotten
all
the
way
up
to
the
middle
of
her
back
.
"
Now
Rachel
's
eyes
had
taken
on
the
glassy
,
horrified
look
of
a
child
remembering
a
recurrent
nightmare
of
terrible
power
.
"
And
sometimes
she
'd
touch
me
with
her
...
her
hands
...
her
birdy
hands
...
and
sometimes
I
'd
almost
scream
and
ask
her
not
to
,
and
once
I
spilled
some
of
her
soup
on
my
arm
when
she
touched
my
face
and
I
burned
myself
and
that
time
I
did
scream
...
and
I
cried
and
I
could
see
the
smile
in
her
eyes
then
,
too
.
"
Near
the
end
the
drugs
stopped
working
.
She
was
the
one
who
would
scream
then
,
and
none
of
us
could
remember
the
way
she
was
before
,
not
even
my
mother
.
She
was
just
this
foul
,
hateful
,
screaming
thing
in
the
back
bedroom
...
our
dirty
secret
.
"
Rachel
swallowed
.
Her
throat
clicked
.
"
My
parents
were
gone
when
she
finally
...
when
she
...
you
know
,
when
she
...
"
With
terrible
,
wrenching
effort
,
Rachel
brought
it
out
.
