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"
Spinal
meningitis
,
"
she
repeated
.
"
There
are
no
pictures
of
her
in
the
house
anymore
.
"
"
There
's
a
picture
of
a
young
girl
in
your
father
's
--
"
"
In
his
study
.
Yes
,
I
forgot
that
one
.
And
my
mother
carries
one
in
her
wallet
still
,
I
think
.
She
was
two
years
older
than
I
was
.
She
caught
it
...
and
she
was
in
the
back
bedroom
...
she
was
in
the
back
bedroom
like
a
dirty
secret
.
Louis
,
she
was
dying
in
there
,
my
sister
died
in
the
back
bedroom
and
that
's
what
she
was
,
a
dirty
secret
--
she
was
always
a
dirty
secret
!
"
Rachel
suddenly
broke
down
completely
,
and
in
the
loud
,
rising
quality
of
her
sobs
,
Louis
sensed
the
onset
of
hysteria
and
became
alarmed
.
He
reached
for
her
and
caught
a
shoulder
,
which
was
pulled
away
from
him
as
soon
as
he
touched
it
.
He
could
feel
the
whisper
of
her
nightdress
under
his
fingertips
.
"
Rachel
--
babe
--
do
n't
--
"
"
Do
n't
tell
me
do
n't
,
"
she
said
.
"
Do
n't
stop
me
,
Louis
.
I
've
only
got
the
strength
to
tell
this
once
,
and
then
I
do
n't
want
to
ever
talk
about
it
again
.
I
probably
wo
n't
sleep
tonight
as
it
is
.
"
"
Was
it
that
horrible
?
"
he
asked
,
knowing
the
answer
already
.
It
explained
so
much
,
and
even
things
he
had
never
connected
before
or
only
suspected
vaguely
suddenly
came
together
in
his
mind
.
She
had
never
attended
a
funeral
with
him
,
he
realized
--
not
even
that
of
Al
Locke
,
a
fellow
med
student
who
had
been
killed
when
his
motorcycle
had
collided
with
a
city
bus
.
Al
had
been
a
regular
visitor
at
their
apartment
,
and
Rachel
had
always
liked
him
.
Yet
she
had
not
gone
to
his
funeral
.
She
was
sick
that
day
,
Louis
remembered
suddenly
.
Got
the
flu
or
something
.
Looked
serious
.
But
the
next
day
she
was
okay
again
.
After
the
funeral
she
was
all
right
again
,
he
corrected
himself
.
He
remembered
thinking
even
then
that
her
sickness
might
just
be
psychosomatic
.
"
It
was
horrible
,
all
right
.
Worse
than
you
can
ever
imagine
.
Louis
,
we
watched
her
degenerate
day
by
day
,
and
there
was
nothing
anyone
could
do
.
She
was
in
constant
pain
.
Her
body
seemed
to
shrivel
...
pull
in
on
itself
...
her
shoulders
hunched
up
and
her
face
pulled
down
until
it
was
like
a
mask
.
Her
hands
were
like
birds
"
feet
.
I
had
to
feed
her
sometimes
.
I
hated
it
,
but
I
did
it
and
never
said
boo
about
it
.
