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"
When
she
died
,
my
parents
were
gone
.
They
were
gone
but
I
was
with
her
.
It
was
Passover
season
,
and
they
went
out
for
a
while
to
see
some
friends
.
Just
for
a
few
minutes
.
I
was
reading
a
magazine
in
the
kitchen
.
Well
,
I
was
looking
at
it
,
anyway
.
I
was
waiting
for
it
to
be
time
to
give
her
some
more
medicine
because
she
was
screaming
.
She
'd
been
screaming
ever
since
my
folks
left
,
almost
.
I
could
n't
read
with
her
screaming
that
way
.
And
then
...
see
,
what
happened
was
...
well
...
Zelda
stopped
screaming
.
Louis
,
I
was
eight
...
bad
dreams
every
night
...
I
had
started
to
think
she
hated
me
because
my
back
was
straight
,
because
I
did
n't
have
the
constant
pain
,
because
I
could
walk
,
because
I
was
going
to
live
...
I
started
to
imagine
she
wanted
to
kill
me
.
Only
,
even
now
tonight
,
Louis
,
I
do
n't
really
think
it
was
all
my
imagination
.
I
do
think
she
hated
me
.
I
do
n't
really
think
she
would
have
killed
me
,
but
if
she
could
have
taken
over
my
body
some
way
...
turned
me
out
of
it
like
in
a
fairy
story
...
I
think
she
would
have
done
that
.
But
when
she
stopped
screaming
,
I
went
in
to
see
if
everything
was
all
right
...
to
see
if
she
had
fallen
over
on
her
side
or
slipped
off
her
pillows
.
I
got
in
and
I
looked
at
her
and
I
thought
she
must
have
swallowed
her
own
tongue
and
she
was
choking
to
death
.
Louis
"
--
Rachel
's
voice
rose
again
,
teary
and
frighteningly
childish
,
as
if
she
were
regressing
,
reliving
the
experience
--
"
Louis
,
I
did
n't
know
what
to
do
!
I
was
eight
!
"
"
No
,
of
course
you
did
n't
,
"
Louis
said
.
He
turned
to
her
and
hugged
her
,
and
Rachel
gripped
him
with
the
panicky
strength
of
a
poor
swimmer
whose
boat
has
suddenly
overturned
in
the
middle
of
a
large
lake
.
"
Did
someone
actually
give
you
a
hard
time
about
it
,
babe
?
"
"
No
,
"
she
said
,
"
no
one
blamed
me
.
But
nobody
could
make
it
better
either
.
No
one
could
change
it
.
No
one
could
make
it
an
unhappening
,
Louis
.
She
had
n't
swallowed
her
tongue
.
She
started
making
a
sound
,
a
kind
of
,
I
do
n't
know
--
gaaaaaa
--
like
that
--
"
In
her
distressed
,
total
recall
of
that
day
she
did
a
more
than
creditable
imitation
of
the
way
her
sister
Zelda
must
have
sounded
,
and
Louis
's
mind
flashed
to
Victor
Pascow
.
His
grip
on
his
wife
tightened
.
"
--
and
there
was
spit
,
spit
coming
down
her
chin
--
"
"
Rachel
,
that
's
enough
,
"
he
said
,
not
quite
steadily
.
"
I
am
aware
of
the
symptoms
.
"
"
I
'm
explaining
,
"
she
said
stubbornly
.
"
I
'm
explaining
why
I
ca
n't
go
to
poor
Norma
's
funeral
,
for
one
thing
,
and
why
we
had
that
stupid
fight
that
day
--
"
"
Shh
--
that
's
forgotten
.
"
