-
Главная
-
- Книги
-
- Авторы
-
- Марк Мэнсон
-
- Тонкое искусство пофигизма
-
- Стр. 99/115
Для того чтобы воспользоваться озвучкой предложений, необходимо
Войти или зарегистрироваться
Озвучка предложений доступна при наличии PRO-доступа
Купить PRO-доступ
If
the
saver
really
wanted
to
save
the
victim
,
the
saver
would
say
,
“
Look
,
you
’
re
blaming
others
for
your
own
problems
;
deal
with
this
yourself
.
”
And
in
a
sick
way
,
that
would
actually
be
a
demonstration
of
love
:
helping
someone
solve
their
own
problems
.
Instead
,
victims
and
savers
both
use
each
other
to
achieve
emotional
highs
.
It
’
s
like
an
addiction
they
fulfill
in
one
another
.
Ironically
,
when
presented
with
emotionally
healthy
people
to
date
,
they
usually
feel
bored
or
lack
“
chemistry
”
with
them
.
They
pass
on
emotionally
healthy
,
secure
individuals
because
the
secure
partner
’
s
solid
boundaries
don
’
t
feel
“
exciting
”
enough
to
stimulate
the
constant
highs
necessary
in
the
entitled
person
.
For
victims
,
the
hardest
thing
to
do
in
the
world
is
to
hold
themselves
accountable
for
their
problems
.
They
’
ve
spent
their
whole
life
believing
that
others
are
responsible
for
their
fate
.
That
first
step
of
taking
responsibility
for
themselves
is
often
terrifying
.
For
savers
,
the
hardest
thing
to
do
in
the
world
is
to
stop
taking
responsibility
for
other
people
’
s
problems
.
They
’
ve
spent
their
whole
life
feeling
valued
and
loved
only
when
they
’
re
saving
somebody
else
—
so
letting
go
of
this
need
is
terrifying
to
them
as
well
.
If
you
make
a
sacrifice
for
someone
you
care
about
,
it
needs
to
be
because
you
want
to
,
not
because
you
feel
obligated
or
because
you
fear
the
consequences
of
not
doing
so
.
If
your
partner
is
going
to
make
a
sacrifice
for
you
,
it
needs
to
because
he
or
she
genuinely
wants
to
,
not
because
you
’
ve
manipulated
the
sacrifice
through
anger
or
guilt
.
Acts
of
love
are
valid
only
if
they
’
re
performed
without
conditions
or
expectations
.
It
can
be
difficult
for
people
to
recognize
the
difference
between
doing
something
out
of
obligation
and
doing
it
voluntarily
.
So
here
’
s
a
litmus
test
:
ask
yourself
,
“
If
I
refused
,
how
would
the
relationship
change
?
”
Similarly
,
ask
,
“
If
my
partner
refused
something
I
wanted
,
how
would
the
relationship
change
?
”
If
the
answer
is
that
a
refusal
would
cause
a
blowout
of
drama
and
broken
china
plates
,
then
that
’
s
a
bad
sign
for
your
relationship
.
It
suggests
that
your
relationship
is
conditional
—
based
on
superficial
benefits
received
from
one
another
,
rather
than
on
unconditional
acceptance
of
each
other
(
along
with
each
other
’
s
problems
)
.
People
with
strong
boundaries
are
not
afraid
of
a
temper
tantrum
,
an
argument
,
or
getting
hurt
.
People
with
weak
boundaries
are
terrified
of
those
things
and
will
constantly
mold
their
own
behavior
to
fit
the
highs
and
lows
of
their
relational
emotional
roller
coaster
.
People
with
strong
boundaries
understand
that
it
’
s
unreasonable
to
expect
two
people
to
accommodate
each
other
100
percent
and
fulfill
every
need
the
other
has
.
People
with
strong
boundaries
understand
that
they
may
hurt
someone
’
s
feelings
sometimes
,
but
ultimately
they
can
’
t
determine
how
other
people
feel
.
People
with
strong
boundaries
understand
that
a
healthy
relationship
is
not
about
controlling
one
another
’
s
emotions
,
but
rather
about
each
partner
supporting
the
other
in
their
individual
growth
and
in
solving
their
own
problems
.
