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- Марк Мэнсон
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- Тонкое искусство пофигизма
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- Стр. 101/115
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For
a
relationship
to
be
healthy
,
both
people
must
be
willing
and
able
to
both
say
no
and
hear
no
.
Without
that
negation
,
without
that
occasional
rejection
,
boundaries
break
down
and
one
person
’
s
problems
and
values
come
to
dominate
the
other
’
s
.
Conflict
is
not
only
normal
,
then
;
it
’
s
absolutely
necessary
for
the
maintenance
of
a
healthy
relationship
.
If
two
people
who
are
close
are
not
able
to
hash
out
their
differences
openly
and
vocally
,
then
the
relationship
is
based
on
manipulation
and
misrepresentation
,
and
it
will
slowly
become
toxic
.
Trust
is
the
most
important
ingredient
in
any
relationship
,
for
the
simple
reason
that
without
trust
,
the
relationship
doesn
’
t
actually
mean
anything
.
A
person
could
tell
you
that
she
loves
you
,
wants
to
be
with
you
,
would
give
up
everything
for
you
,
but
if
you
don
’
t
trust
her
,
you
get
no
benefit
from
those
statements
.
You
don
’
t
feel
loved
until
you
trust
that
the
love
being
expressed
toward
you
comes
without
any
special
conditions
or
baggage
attached
to
it
.
This
is
what
’
s
so
destructive
about
cheating
.
It
’
s
not
about
the
sex
.
It
’
s
about
the
trust
that
has
been
destroyed
as
a
result
of
the
sex
.
Without
trust
,
the
relationship
can
no
longer
function
.
So
it
’
s
either
rebuild
the
trust
or
say
your
goodbyes
.
I
often
get
emails
from
people
who
have
been
cheated
on
by
their
significant
other
but
want
to
stay
with
that
partner
and
are
wondering
how
they
can
trust
him
or
her
again
.
Without
trust
,
they
tell
me
,
the
relationship
has
begun
to
feel
like
a
burden
,
like
a
threat
that
must
be
monitored
and
questioned
rather
than
enjoyed
.
The
problem
here
is
that
most
people
who
get
caught
cheating
apologize
and
give
the
“
It
will
never
happen
again
”
spiel
and
that
’
s
that
,
as
if
penises
fell
into
various
orifices
completely
by
accident
.
Many
cheatees
accept
this
response
at
face
value
,
and
don
’
t
question
the
values
and
fucks
given
by
their
partner
(
pun
totally
intended
)
;
they
don
’
t
ask
themselves
whether
those
values
and
fucks
make
their
partner
a
good
person
to
stay
with
.
They
’
re
so
concerned
with
holding
on
to
their
relationship
that
they
fail
to
recognize
that
it
’
s
become
a
black
hole
consuming
their
self
-
respect
.
If
people
cheat
,
it
’
s
because
something
other
than
the
relationship
is
more
important
to
them
.
It
may
be
power
over
others
.
It
may
be
validation
through
sex
.
It
may
be
giving
in
to
their
own
impulses
.
Whatever
it
is
,
it
’
s
clear
that
the
cheater
’
s
values
are
not
aligned
in
a
way
to
support
a
healthy
relationship
.
And
if
the
cheater
doesn
’
t
admit
this
or
come
to
terms
with
it
,
if
he
just
gives
the
old
“
I
don
’
t
know
what
I
was
thinking
;
I
was
stressed
out
and
drunk
and
she
was
there
”
response
,
then
he
lacks
the
serious
self
-
awareness
necessary
to
solve
any
relationship
problems
.
What
needs
to
happen
is
that
cheaters
have
to
start
peeling
away
at
their
self
-
awareness
onion
and
figure
out
what
fucked
-
up
values
caused
them
to
break
the
trust
of
the
relationship
(
and
whether
they
actually
still
value
the
relationship
)
.
They
need
to
be
able
to
say
,
“
You
know
what
:
I
am
selfish
.
I
care
about
myself
more
than
the
relationship
;
to
be
honest
,
I
don
’
t
really
respect
the
relationship
much
at
all
.
”
If
cheaters
can
’
t
express
their
shitty
values
,
and
show
that
those
values
have
been
overridden
,
then
there
’
s
no
reason
to
believe
that
they
can
be
trusted
.
And
if
they
can
’
t
be
trusted
,
then
the
relationship
is
not
going
to
get
better
or
change
.
The
other
factor
in
regaining
trust
after
it
’
s
been
broken
is
a
practical
one
:
a
track
record
.
If
someone
breaks
your
trust
,
words
are
nice
;
but
you
then
need
to
see
a
consistent
track
record
of
improved
behavior
.
Only
then
can
you
begin
trusting
that
the
cheater
’
s
values
are
now
aligned
properly
and
the
person
really
will
change
.
