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- Марк Мэнсон
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- Тонкое искусство пофигизма
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- Стр. 98/115
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This
is
self
-
defeating
,
of
course
.
And
relationships
characterized
by
such
murkiness
usually
go
down
like
the
Hindenburg
,
with
all
the
drama
and
fireworks
.
People
can
’
t
solve
your
problems
for
you
.
And
they
shouldn
’
t
try
,
because
that
won
’
t
make
you
happy
.
You
can
’
t
solve
other
people
’
s
problems
for
them
either
,
because
that
likewise
won
’
t
make
them
happy
.
The
mark
of
an
unhealthy
relationship
is
two
people
who
try
to
solve
each
other
’
s
problems
in
order
to
feel
good
about
themselves
.
Rather
,
a
healthy
relationship
is
when
two
people
solve
their
own
problems
in
order
to
feel
good
about
each
other
.
The
setting
of
proper
boundaries
doesn
’
t
mean
you
can
’
t
help
or
support
your
partner
or
be
helped
and
supported
yourself
.
You
both
should
support
each
other
.
But
only
because
you
choose
to
support
and
be
supported
.
Not
because
you
feel
obligated
or
entitled
.
Entitled
people
who
blame
others
for
their
own
emotions
and
actions
do
so
because
they
believe
that
if
they
constantly
paint
themselves
as
victims
,
eventually
someone
will
come
along
and
save
them
,
and
they
will
receive
the
love
they
’
ve
always
wanted
.
Entitled
people
who
take
the
blame
for
other
people
’
s
emotions
and
actions
do
so
because
they
believe
that
if
they
“
fix
”
their
partner
and
save
him
or
her
,
they
will
receive
the
love
and
appreciation
they
’
ve
always
wanted
.
These
are
the
yin
and
yang
of
any
toxic
relationship
:
the
victim
and
the
saver
,
the
person
who
starts
fires
because
it
makes
her
feel
important
and
the
person
who
puts
out
fires
because
it
makes
him
feel
important
.
These
two
types
of
people
are
drawn
strongly
to
one
another
,
and
they
usually
end
up
together
.
Their
pathologies
match
one
another
perfectly
.
Often
they
’
ve
grown
up
with
parents
who
each
exhibit
one
of
these
traits
as
well
.
So
their
model
for
a
“
happy
”
relationship
is
one
based
on
entitlement
and
poor
boundaries
.
Sadly
,
they
both
fail
in
meeting
the
other
’
s
actual
needs
.
In
fact
,
their
pattern
of
overblaming
and
overaccepting
blame
perpetuates
the
entitlement
and
shitty
self
-
worth
that
have
been
keeping
them
from
getting
their
emotional
needs
met
in
the
first
place
.
The
victim
creates
more
and
more
problems
to
solve
—
not
because
additional
real
problems
exist
,
but
because
it
gets
her
the
attention
and
affection
she
craves
.
The
saver
solves
and
solves
—
not
because
she
actually
cares
about
the
problems
,
but
because
she
believes
she
must
fix
others
’
problems
in
order
to
deserve
attention
and
affection
for
herself
.
In
both
cases
,
the
intentions
are
selfish
and
conditional
and
therefore
self
-
sabotaging
,
and
genuine
love
is
rarely
experienced
.
The
victim
,
if
he
really
loved
the
saver
,
would
say
,
“
Look
,
this
is
my
problem
;
you
don
’
t
have
to
fix
it
for
me
.
Just
support
me
while
I
fix
it
myself
.
”
That
would
actually
be
a
demonstration
of
love
:
taking
responsibility
for
your
own
problems
and
not
holding
your
partner
responsible
for
them
.
