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"
That
’
s
poppycock
,
"
he
would
say
when
Mom
recounted
the
story
.
"
I
did
no
such
thing
.
"
"
You
didn
’
t
cry
then
?
"
Mom
asked
in
sarcastic
amusement
.
"
I
teared
.
I
did
not
cry
.
"
Then
Dad
winked
at
me
and
pantomimed
weeping
like
a
baby
.
Because
I
was
the
only
kid
in
Mom
and
Dad
’
s
group
of
friends
,
I
was
a
novelty
.
I
was
raised
by
the
music
community
,
with
dozens
of
aunties
and
uncles
who
took
me
in
as
their
own
little
foundling
,
even
after
I
started
showing
a
strange
preference
for
classical
music
.
I
didn
’
t
want
for
real
family
,
either
.
Gran
and
Gramps
lived
nearby
,
and
they
were
happy
to
take
me
for
weekends
so
Mom
and
Dad
could
act
wild
and
stay
out
all
night
for
one
of
Dad
’
s
shows
.
Around
the
time
I
was
four
,
I
think
my
parents
realized
that
they
were
actually
doing
it
—
raising
a
kid
—
even
though
they
didn
’
t
have
a
ton
of
money
or
"
real
"
jobs
.
We
had
a
nice
house
with
cheap
rent
.
I
had
clothes
(
even
if
they
were
hand
-
me
-
downs
from
my
cousins
)
and
I
was
growing
up
happy
and
healthy
.
"
You
were
like
an
experiment
,
"
Dad
said
.
"
Surprisingly
successful
.
We
thought
it
must
be
a
fluke
.
We
needed
another
kid
as
a
kind
of
control
group
.
"
They
tried
for
four
years
Mom
got
pregnant
twice
and
had
two
miscarriages
.
They
were
sad
about
it
,
but
they
didn
’
t
have
the
money
to
do
all
the
fertility
stuff
that
people
do
.
By
the
time
I
was
nine
,
they
’
d
decided
that
maybe
it
was
for
the
best
.
I
was
becoming
independent
.
They
stopped
trying
.
As
if
to
convince
themselves
how
great
it
was
not
to
be
tied
down
by
a
baby
,
Mom
and
Dad
bought
us
tickets
to
go
visit
New
York
for
a
week
.
It
was
supposed
to
be
a
musical
pilgrimage
.
We
would
go
to
CBGB
’
s
and
Carnegie
Hall
.
But
when
to
her
surprise
,
Mom
discovered
she
was
pregnant
,
and
then
to
her
greater
surprise
,
stayed
pregnant
past
the
first
trimester
,
we
had
to
cancel
the
trip
.
She
was
tired
and
sick
to
her
stomach
and
so
grumpy
Dad
joked
that
she
’
d
probably
scare
the
New
Yorkers
.
Besides
,
babies
were
expensive
and
we
needed
to
save
.
I
didn
’
t
mind
.
I
was
excited
about
a
baby
.
And
I
knew
that
Carnegie
Hall
wasn
’
t
going
anywhere
.
I
’
d
get
there
someday
.
I
am
a
little
freaked
out
right
now
.
Gran
and
Gramps
left
a
while
ago
,
but
I
stayed
behind
here
in
the
ICU
.
I
am
sitting
in
one
the
chairs
,
going
over
their
conversation
,
which
was
very
nice
and
normal
and
nondisturbing
.
Until
they
left
.
As
Gran
and
Gramps
walked
out
of
the
ICU
,
with
me
following
,
Gramps
turned
to
Gran
and
asked
:
"
Do
you
think
she
decides
?
"
