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"
I
did
okay
,
"
I
told
Adam
,
and
as
I
said
it
,
I
realized
that
I
’
d
just
straight
-
out
lied
to
him
for
the
first
time
,
and
that
this
was
different
from
all
the
lying
by
omission
I
’
d
been
doing
before
.
I
had
neglected
to
tell
Adam
that
I
was
applying
to
Juilliard
in
the
first
place
,
which
was
actually
harder
than
it
sounded
.
Before
I
sent
in
my
application
,
I
had
to
practice
every
spare
moment
with
Professor
Christie
to
fine
-
tune
the
Shostakovich
concerto
and
the
two
Bach
suites
.
When
Adam
asked
me
why
I
was
so
busy
,
I
gave
purposely
vague
excuses
about
learning
tough
new
pieces
.
I
justified
this
to
myself
because
it
was
technically
true
.
And
then
Professor
Christie
arranged
for
me
to
have
a
recording
session
at
the
university
so
I
could
submit
a
high
-
quality
CD
to
Juilliard
.
I
had
to
be
at
the
studio
at
seven
in
the
morning
on
a
Sunday
and
the
night
before
I
’
d
pretended
to
be
feeling
out
of
sorts
and
told
Adam
he
probably
shouldn
’
t
stay
over
.
I
’
d
justified
that
fib
,
too
.
I
was
feeling
out
of
sorts
because
I
was
so
nervous
.
So
,
it
wasn
’
t
a
real
lie
.
And
besides
,
I
thought
,
there
was
no
point
in
making
a
big
fuss
about
it
.
I
hadn
’
t
told
Kim
,
either
,
so
it
wasn
’
t
like
Adam
was
getting
special
deception
treatment
.
But
after
I
told
him
I
’
d
only
done
okay
at
the
audition
,
I
had
the
feeling
that
I
was
wading
into
quicksand
,
and
that
if
I
took
one
more
step
,
there
’
d
be
no
extricating
myself
and
I
’
d
sink
until
I
suffocated
.
So
I
took
a
deep
breath
and
heaved
myself
back
onto
solid
ground
.
"
Actually
,
that
’
s
not
true
,
"
I
told
Adam
.
"
I
did
really
well
.
I
played
better
than
I
ever
have
in
my
life
.
It
was
like
I
was
possessed
.
"
Adam
’
s
first
reaction
was
to
smile
with
pride
.
"
I
wish
I
could
’
ve
seen
that
.
"
But
then
his
eyes
clouded
over
and
his
lips
fell
into
a
frown
.
"
Why
’
d
you
downplay
it
?
"
he
asked
.
"
Why
didn
’
t
you
call
me
after
the
audition
to
brag
?
"
"
I
don
’
t
know
,
"
I
said
.
"
Well
,
this
is
great
news
,
"
Adam
said
,
trying
to
mask
his
hurt
.
"
We
should
be
celebrating
.
"
"
Okay
,
let
’
s
celebrate
,
"
I
said
,
with
a
forced
gaiety
.
"
We
can
go
to
Portland
Saturday
.
Go
to
the
Japanese
Gardens
and
go
out
for
dinner
at
Beau
Thai
.
"
Adam
grimaced
.
"
I
can
’
t
.
We
’
re
playing
in
Olympia
and
Seattle
this
weekend
.
Minitour
.
Remember
?
I
’
d
love
for
you
to
come
,
but
I
don
’
t
know
if
that
’
s
really
a
celebration
for
you
.
But
I
’
ll
be
back
Sunday
late
afternoon
.
I
can
meet
you
in
Portland
Sunday
night
if
you
want
.
"
"
I
can
’
t
.
I
’
m
playing
in
a
string
quartet
at
some
professor
’
s
house
.
What
about
next
weekend
?
"
