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"
I
was
idiotic
.
They
said
she
was
doing
better
before
.
That
she
’
d
come
off
the
ventilator
.
That
she
was
getting
stronger
.
But
after
I
came
in
here
that
she
got
worse
.
They
said
her
heart
stopped
on
the
operating
table
.
.
.
"
Adam
trails
off
.
"
And
they
got
it
started
.
She
had
a
perforated
bowel
that
was
slowly
leaking
bile
into
her
abdomen
and
it
threw
her
organs
out
of
whack
.
This
kind
of
thing
happens
all
the
time
,
and
it
had
nothing
to
do
with
you
.
We
caught
it
and
fixed
it
and
that
’
s
what
matters
.
"
"
But
she
was
doing
better
,
"
Adam
whispers
.
He
sounds
so
young
and
vulnerable
,
like
Teddy
used
to
sound
when
he
got
the
stomach
flu
.
"
And
then
I
came
in
and
she
almost
died
.
"
His
voice
chokes
into
a
sob
.
The
sound
of
it
wakes
me
up
like
a
bucket
of
ice
water
dropped
down
my
shirt
.
Adam
thinks
that
he
did
this
to
me
?
No
!
That
’
s
beyond
absurd
.
He
’
s
so
wrong
.
"
And
I
almost
stayed
in
Puerto
Rico
to
marry
a
fat
SOB
,
"
the
nurse
snaps
.
"
But
I
di
’
int
.
And
I
have
a
different
life
now
.
Almost
don
’
t
matter
.
You
got
to
deal
with
the
situation
at
hand
.
And
she
’
s
still
here
.
"
She
whips
the
privacy
curtain
around
my
bed
.
"
In
you
go
,
"
she
tells
Adam
.
I
force
my
head
up
and
my
eyes
open
.
Adam
.
God
,
even
in
this
state
,
he
is
beautiful
.
His
eyes
are
dipping
with
fatigue
.
He
’
s
sprouting
stubble
,
enough
of
it
that
if
we
were
to
make
out
,
it
would
make
my
chin
raw
.
He
is
wearing
his
typical
band
uniform
of
a
T
-
shirt
,
skinny
pegged
pants
,
and
Converse
,
with
Gramps
’
s
plaid
scarf
draped
over
his
shoulders
.
When
he
first
sees
me
,
he
blanches
,
like
I
’
m
some
hideous
Creature
from
the
Black
Lagoon
.
I
do
look
pretty
bad
,
hooked
back
up
to
the
ventilator
and
a
dozen
other
tubes
,
the
dressing
from
my
latest
surgery
seeping
blood
.
But
after
a
moment
,
Adam
exhales
loudly
and
then
he
’
s
just
Adam
again
.
He
searches
around
,
like
he
’
s
dropped
something
and
then
finds
what
he
’
s
looking
for
:
my
hand
.
"
Jesus
,
Mia
,
your
hands
are
freezing
.
"
He
squats
down
,
takes
my
right
hand
into
his
,
and
careful
to
not
bump
into
my
tubes
and
wires
,
draws
his
mouth
to
them
,
blowing
warm
air
into
the
shelter
he
’
s
created
.
"
You
and
your
crazy
hands
.
"
Adam
is
always
amazed
at
how
even
in
middle
of
summer
,
even
after
the
sweatiest
of
encounters
,
my
hands
stay
cold
.
I
tell
him
it
’
s
bad
circulation
but
he
doesn
’
t
buy
it
because
my
feet
are
usually
warm
.
He
says
I
have
bionic
hands
,
that
this
is
why
I
’
m
such
a
good
cello
player
.
I
watch
him
warm
my
hands
as
he
has
done
a
thousand
times
before
.
I
think
of
the
first
time
he
did
it
,
at
school
,
sitting
on
the
lawn
,
as
if
it
were
the
most
natural
thing
in
the
world
.
I
also
remember
the
first
time
he
did
it
in
front
of
my
parents
.
We
were
all
sitting
on
the
porch
on
Christmas
Eve
,
drinking
cider
.
It
was
freezing
outside
.
Adam
grabbed
my
hands
and
blew
on
them
.
Teddy
giggled
.
Mom
and
Dad
didn
’
t
say
anything
,
just
exchanged
a
quick
look
,
something
private
that
passed
between
them
and
then
Mom
smiled
ruefully
at
us
.
