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I
can
’
t
stop
thinking
about
"
Waiting
for
Vengeance
.
"
It
’
s
been
years
since
I
’
ve
listened
to
or
thought
of
that
song
,
but
after
Gramps
left
my
bedside
,
I
’
ve
been
singing
it
to
myself
over
and
over
.
Dad
wrote
the
song
ages
ago
,
but
now
it
feels
like
he
wrote
it
yesterday
.
Like
he
wrote
it
from
wherever
he
is
.
Like
there
’
s
a
secret
message
in
it
for
me
.
How
else
to
explain
those
lyrics
?
I
’
m
not
choosing
.
But
I
’
m
running
out
of
fight
.
What
does
it
mean
?
Is
it
supposed
to
be
some
kind
of
instruction
?
Some
clue
about
what
my
parents
would
choose
for
me
if
they
could
?
I
try
to
think
about
it
from
their
perspectives
.
I
know
they
’
d
want
to
be
with
me
,
for
us
all
to
be
together
again
eventually
.
But
I
have
no
idea
if
that
even
happens
after
you
die
,
and
if
it
does
,
it
’
ll
happen
whether
I
go
this
morning
or
in
seventy
years
.
What
would
they
want
for
me
now
?
As
soon
as
I
pose
the
question
,
I
can
see
Mom
’
s
pissed
-
off
expression
.
She
’
d
be
livid
with
me
for
even
contemplating
anything
but
staying
.
But
Dad
,
he
understood
what
it
meant
to
run
out
of
fight
.
Maybe
,
like
Gramps
,
he
’
d
understand
why
I
don
’
t
think
I
can
stay
.
I
’
m
singing
the
song
,
as
if
buried
within
its
lyrics
are
instructions
,
a
musical
road
map
to
where
I
’
m
supposed
to
go
and
how
to
get
there
.
I
’
m
singing
and
concentrating
and
singing
and
thinking
so
hard
that
I
barely
register
Willow
’
s
return
to
the
ICU
,
barely
notice
that
she
’
s
talking
to
the
grumpy
nurse
,
barely
recognize
the
steely
determination
in
her
tone
.
Had
I
been
paying
attention
,
I
might
have
realized
that
Willow
was
lobbying
for
Adam
to
be
able
to
visit
me
.
Had
I
been
paying
attention
,
I
might
have
somehow
got
away
before
Willow
was
—
as
always
—
successful
.
I
don
’
t
want
to
see
him
now
.
I
mean
,
of
course
I
do
.
I
ache
to
.
But
I
know
that
if
I
see
him
,
I
’
m
going
to
lose
the
last
wisp
of
peacefulness
that
Gramps
gave
me
when
he
told
me
that
it
was
okay
to
go
.
I
’
m
trying
to
summon
the
courage
to
do
what
I
have
to
do
.
And
Adam
will
complicate
things
.
I
try
to
stand
up
to
get
away
,
but
something
has
happened
to
me
since
I
went
back
into
surgery
.
I
no
longer
have
the
strength
to
move
.
It
takes
all
my
effort
to
sit
upright
in
my
chair
.
I
can
’
t
run
away
;
all
I
can
do
is
hide
.
I
curl
my
knees
into
my
chest
and
close
my
eyes
.
I
hear
Nurse
Ramirez
talking
to
Willow
.
"
I
’
ll
take
him
over
,
"
she
says
.
And
for
once
,
the
grumpy
nurse
doesn
’
t
order
her
back
to
her
own
patients
.
"
That
was
a
pretty
boneheaded
move
you
pulled
earlier
,
"
I
hear
her
tell
Adam
.
"
I
know
,
"
Adam
answers
.
His
voice
is
a
throaty
whisper
,
the
way
it
gets
after
a
particularly
scream
-
y
concert
.
"
I
was
desperate
.
"
"
No
,
you
were
romantic
,
"
she
tells
him
.
