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- Джозеф Хеллер
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- Уловка 22
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- Стр. 74/452
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And
all
week
long
he
chortled
with
repressed
delight
at
the
officers
’
club
.
Speculation
grew
rampant
among
his
closest
friends
.
"
I
wonder
what
that
Shithead
is
up
to
,
"
Lieutenant
Engle
said
.
Lieutenant
Scheisskopf
responded
with
a
knowing
smile
to
the
queries
of
his
colleagues
.
"
You
’
ll
find
out
Sunday
,
"
he
promised
.
"
You
’
ll
find
out
.
"
Lieutenant
Scheisskopf
unveiled
his
epochal
surprise
that
Sunday
with
all
the
aplomb
of
an
experienced
impresario
.
He
said
nothing
while
the
other
squadrons
ambled
past
the
reviewing
stand
crookedly
in
their
customary
manner
.
He
gave
no
sign
even
when
the
first
ranks
of
his
own
squadron
hove
into
sight
with
their
swingless
marching
and
the
first
stricken
gasps
of
alarm
were
hissing
from
his
startled
fellow
officers
.
He
held
back
even
then
until
the
bloated
colonel
with
the
big
fat
mustache
whirled
upon
him
savagely
with
a
purpling
face
,
and
then
he
offered
the
explanation
that
made
him
immortal
.
"
Look
,
Colonel
,
"
he
announced
.
"
No
hands
.
"
And
to
an
audience
stilled
with
awe
,
he
distributed
certified
photostatic
copies
of
the
obscure
regulation
on
which
he
had
built
his
unforgettable
triumph
.
This
was
Lieutenant
Scheisskopf
’
s
finest
hour
.
He
won
the
parade
,
of
course
,
hands
down
,
obtaining
permanent
possession
of
the
red
pennant
and
ending
the
Sunday
parades
altogether
,
since
good
red
pennants
were
as
hard
to
come
by
in
wartime
as
good
copper
wire
.
Lieutenant
Scheisskopf
was
made
First
Lieutenant
Scheisskopf
on
the
spot
and
began
his
rapid
rise
through
the
ranks
.
There
were
few
who
did
not
hail
him
as
a
true
military
genius
for
his
important
discovery
.
"
That
Lieutenant
Scheisskopf
,
"
Lieutenant
Travers
remarked
.
"
He
’
s
a
military
genius
.
"
"
Yes
,
he
really
is
,
"
Lieutenant
Engle
agreed
.
"
It
’
s
a
pity
the
schmuck
won
’
t
whip
his
wife
.
"
"
I
don
’
t
see
what
that
has
to
do
with
it
,
"
Lieutenant
Travers
answered
coolly
.
"
Lieutenant
Bemis
whips
Mrs
.
Bemis
beautifully
every
time
they
have
sexual
intercourse
,
and
he
isn
’
t
worth
a
farthing
at
parades
.
"
