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- Джозеф Хеллер
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- Уловка 22
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"
No
.
And
you
didn
’
t
say
‘
sir
,
’
either
.
Add
that
to
the
charges
against
him
,
"
Major
Metcalf
directed
the
corporal
who
could
take
shorthand
.
"
Failure
to
say
‘
sir
’
to
superior
officers
when
not
interrupting
them
.
"
"
Metcalf
,
"
said
the
colonel
,
"
you
’
re
a
goddam
fool
.
Do
you
know
that
?
"
Major
Metcalf
swallowed
with
difficulty
.
"
Yes
,
sir
.
"
"
Then
keep
your
goddam
mouth
shut
.
You
don
’
t
make
sense
.
"
There
were
three
members
of
the
Action
Board
,
the
bloated
colonel
with
the
big
fat
mustache
,
Lieutenant
Scheisskopf
and
Major
Metcalf
,
who
was
trying
to
develop
a
steely
gaze
.
As
a
member
of
the
Action
Board
,
Lieutenant
Scheisskopf
was
one
of
the
judges
who
would
weigh
the
merits
of
the
case
against
Clevinger
as
presented
by
the
prosecutor
.
Lieutenant
Scheisskopf
was
also
the
prosecutor
.
Clevinger
had
an
officer
defending
him
.
The
officer
defending
him
was
Lieutenant
Scheisskopf
.
It
was
all
very
confusing
to
Clevinger
,
who
began
vibrating
in
terror
as
the
colonel
surged
to
his
feet
like
a
gigantic
belch
and
threatened
to
rip
his
stinking
,
cowardly
body
apart
limb
from
limb
.
One
day
he
had
stumbled
while
marching
to
class
;
the
next
day
he
was
formally
charged
with
"
breaking
ranks
while
in
formation
,
felonious
assault
,
indiscriminate
behavior
,
mopery
,
high
treason
,
provoking
,
being
a
smart
guy
,
listening
to
classical
music
,
and
so
on
.
"
In
short
,
they
threw
the
book
at
him
,
and
there
he
was
,
standing
in
dread
before
the
bloated
colonel
,
who
roared
once
more
that
in
sixty
days
he
would
be
fighting
Billy
Petrolle
and
demanded
to
know
how
the
hell
he
would
like
being
washed
out
and
shipped
to
the
Solomon
Islands
to
bury
bodies
.
Clevinger
replied
with
courtesy
that
he
would
not
like
it
;
he
was
a
dope
who
would
rather
be
a
corpse
than
bury
one
.
The
colonel
sat
down
and
settled
back
,
calm
and
cagey
suddenly
,
and
ingratiatingly
polite
.
"
What
did
you
mean
,
"
he
inquired
slowly
,
"
when
you
said
we
couldn
’
t
punish
you
?
"
"
When
,
sir
?
"
"
I
’
m
asking
the
questions
.
You
’
re
answering
them
.
"
