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- Джозеф Хеллер
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- Уловка 22
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- Стр. 318/452
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"
I
sometimes
think
of
myself
as
Fortinbras
—
ha
,
ha
—
in
the
play
Hamlet
by
William
Shakespeare
,
who
just
keeps
circling
and
circling
around
the
action
until
everything
else
falls
apart
,
and
then
strolls
in
at
the
end
to
pick
up
all
the
pieces
for
himself
.
Shakespeare
is
—
"
"
I
don
’
t
know
anything
about
plays
,
"
Colonel
Scheisskopf
broke
in
bluntly
.
General
Peckem
looked
at
him
with
amazement
.
Never
before
had
a
reference
of
his
to
Shakespeare
’
s
hallowed
Hamlet
been
ignored
and
trampled
upon
with
such
rude
indifference
.
He
began
to
wonder
with
genuine
concern
just
what
sort
of
shithead
the
Pentagon
had
foisted
on
him
.
"
What
do
you
know
about
?
"
he
asked
acidly
.
"
Parades
,
"
answered
Colonel
Scheisskopf
eagerly
.
"
Will
I
be
able
to
send
out
memos
about
parades
?
"
"
As
long
as
you
don
’
t
schedule
any
.
"
General
Peckem
returned
to
his
chair
still
wearing
a
frown
.
"
And
as
long
as
they
don
’
t
interfere
with
your
main
assignment
of
recommending
that
the
authority
of
Special
Services
be
expanded
to
include
combat
activities
.
"
"
Can
I
schedule
parades
and
then
call
them
off
?
"
General
Peckem
brightened
instantly
.
"
Why
,
that
’
s
a
wonderful
idea
!
But
just
send
out
weekly
announcements
postponing
the
parades
.
Don
’
t
even
bother
to
schedule
them
.
That
would
be
infinitely
more
disconcerting
.
"
General
Peckem
was
blossoming
spryly
with
cordiality
again
.
"
Yes
,
Scheisskopf
,
"
he
said
,
"
I
think
you
’
ve
really
hit
on
something
.
After
all
,
what
combat
commander
could
possibly
quarrel
with
us
for
notifying
his
men
that
there
won
’
t
be
a
parade
that
coming
Sunday
?
We
’
d
be
merely
stating
a
widely
known
fact
.
But
the
implication
is
beautiful
.
Yes
,
positively
beautiful
.
We
’
re
implying
that
we
could
schedule
a
parade
if
we
chose
to
.
I
’
m
going
to
like
you
,
Scheisskopf
.
Stop
in
and
introduce
yourself
to
Colonel
Cargill
and
tell
him
what
you
’
re
up
to
.
I
know
you
two
will
like
each
other
.
"
Colonel
Cargill
came
storming
into
General
Peckem
’
s
office
a
minute
later
in
a
furor
of
timid
resentment
.
"
I
’
ve
been
here
longer
than
Scheisskopf
,
"
he
complained
.
"
Why
can
’
t
I
be
the
one
to
call
off
the
parades
?
"
"
Because
Scheisskopf
has
experience
with
parades
,
and
you
haven
’
t
.
You
can
call
off
U
.
S
.
O
.
shows
if
you
want
to
.
In
fact
why
don
’
t
you
?
Just
think
of
all
the
places
that
won
’
t
be
getting
a
U
.
S
.
O
.
show
on
any
given
day
.
Think
of
all
the
places
each
big
-
name
entertainer
won
’
t
be
visiting
.
Yes
,
Cargill
,
I
think
you
’
ve
hit
on
something
.
I
think
you
’
ve
just
thrown
open
a
whole
new
area
of
operation
for
us
.
Tell
Colonel
Scheisskopf
I
want
him
to
work
along
under
your
supervision
on
this
.
And
send
him
in
to
see
me
when
you
’
re
through
giving
him
instructions
.
"
"
Colonel
Cargill
says
you
told
him
you
want
me
to
work
along
under
his
supervision
on
the
U
.
S
.
O
.
project
,
"
Colonel
Scheisskopf
complained
.
"
I
told
him
no
such
thing
,
"
answered
General
Peckem
.
"
Confidentially
,
Scheisskopf
,
I
’
m
not
too
happy
with
Colonel
Cargill
.
