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- Джон Фоулз
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He
spoke
in
fits
and
starts
.
And
there
was
a
silence
.
I
said
,
shall
I
tear
them
up
?
and
he
said
,
now
you
’
re
being
hysterical
.
I
said
,
I
’
ve
got
so
much
to
learn
.
He
got
up
and
said
,
I
think
you
’
ve
got
something
in
you
.
I
don
’
t
know
.
Women
very
rarely
have
.
I
mean
most
women
just
want
to
be
good
at
something
,
they
’
ve
got
good
-
at
minds
,
and
they
mean
deftness
and
a
flair
and
good
taste
and
whatnot
.
They
can
’
t
ever
understand
that
if
your
desire
is
to
go
to
the
furthest
limits
of
yourself
then
the
actual
form
your
art
takes
doesn
’
t
seem
important
to
you
.
Whether
you
use
words
or
paint
or
sounds
.
What
you
will
.
I
said
,
go
on
.
He
said
,
it
’
s
rather
like
your
voice
.
You
put
up
with
your
voice
and
speak
with
it
because
you
haven
’
t
any
choice
.
But
it
’
s
what
you
say
that
counts
.
It
’
s
what
distinguishes
all
great
art
from
the
other
kind
.
The
technically
accomplished
buggers
are
two
a
penny
in
any
period
.
Especially
in
this
great
age
of
universal
education
.
He
was
sitting
on
his
divan
,
talking
at
my
back
.
I
had
to
stare
out
of
the
window
.
I
thought
I
was
going
to
cry
.
He
said
,
critics
spiel
away
about
superb
technical
accomplishment
.
Absolutely
meaningless
,
that
sort
of
jargon
.
Art
’
s
cruel
.
You
can
get
away
with
murder
with
words
.
But
a
picture
is
like
a
window
straight
through
to
your
inmost
heart
.
And
all
you
’
ve
done
here
is
build
a
lot
of
little
windows
on
to
a
heart
full
of
other
fashionable
artists
’
paintings
.
He
came
and
stood
beside
me
and
picked
out
one
of
the
new
abstracts
I
’
d
done
at
home
.
You
’
re
saying
something
here
about
Nicholson
or
Pasmore
.
Not
about
yourself
.
You
’
re
using
a
camera
.
Just
as
trompe
-
l
’
oeil
is
mischannelled
photography
,
so
is
painting
in
someone
else
’
s
style
.
You
’
re
photographing
here
.
That
’
s
all
.
I
’
ll
never
learn
,
I
said
.
It
’
s
to
unlearn
,
he
said
.
You
’
ve
nearly
finished
the
learning
.
The
rest
is
luck
.
No
,
a
little
more
than
luck
.
Courage
.
Patience
.
We
talked
for
hours
.
He
talked
and
I
listened
.
It
was
like
wind
and
sunlight
.
It
blew
all
the
cobwebs
away
.
Shone
on
everything
.
Now
I
write
down
what
he
said
,
it
seems
so
obvious
.
But
it
’
s
something
in
the
way
he
says
things
.
