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- Джон Фоулз
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- Коллекционер
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Even
when
he
was
looking
at
the
ones
(
like
the
Carmen
at
Ivinghoe
)
that
I
think
are
my
best
(
or
did
then
)
.
And
at
the
end
he
said
,
they
’
re
not
much
good
.
In
my
opinion
.
But
a
bit
better
than
I
expected
.
It
was
as
if
he
had
turned
and
hit
me
with
his
fist
,
I
couldn
’
t
hide
it
.
He
went
on
,
it
’
s
quite
useless
if
I
think
of
your
feelings
in
any
way
at
all
.
I
can
see
you
’
re
a
draughtsman
,
you
’
ve
a
fairish
sense
of
colour
and
what
-
not
,
.
sensitive
.
All
that
.
But
you
wouldn
’
t
be
at
the
Slade
if
you
hadn
’
t
.
I
wanted
him
to
stop
but
he
would
go
on
.
You
’
ve
obviously
seen
quite
a
lot
of
good
painting
.
Tried
not
to
plagiarize
too
flagrantly
.
But
this
thing
of
your
sister
—
Kokoschka
,
a
mile
off
.
He
must
have
seen
my
cheeks
were
red
because
he
said
,
is
all
this
rather
disillusioning
?
It
’
s
meant
to
be
.
It
nearly
killed
me
.
I
know
he
was
right
;
it
would
have
been
ridiculous
if
he
hadn
’
t
said
exactly
what
he
thought
.
If
he
’
d
just
kind
-
uncled
me
.
But
it
hurt
.
It
hurt
like
a
series
of
slaps
across
the
face
.
I
’
d
made
up
my
mind
that
he
would
like
some
of
my
work
.
What
made
it
worse
was
his
coldness
.
He
seemed
so
absolutely
serious
and
clinical
.
Not
the
faintest
line
of
humour
or
tenderness
,
even
of
sarcasm
,
on
his
face
.
Suddenly
much
,
much
older
than
me
.
He
said
,
one
has
to
learn
that
painting
well
—
in
the
academic
and
technical
sense
—
comes
right
at
the
bottom
of
the
list
.
I
mean
,
you
’
ve
got
that
ability
.
So
have
thousands
.
But
the
thing
I
look
for
isn
’
t
here
.
It
just
isn
’
t
here
.
Then
he
said
,
I
know
this
hurts
.
As
a
matter
of
fact
,
I
nearly
asked
you
not
to
bring
this
round
.
But
then
I
thought
-
.
.
.
there
’
s
a
sort
of
eagerness
about
you
.
You
’
d
survive
.
You
knew
they
wouldn
’
t
be
any
good
,
I
said
.
I
expected
just
about
this
.
Shall
we
forget
you
brought
them
?
But
I
knew
he
was
challenging
me
.
I
said
,
tell
me
in
detail
what
is
wrong
with
this
.
And
I
gave
him
one
of
the
street
scenes
.
He
said
,
it
’
s
quite
graphic
,
well
composed
,
I
can
’
t
tell
you
details
.
But
it
’
s
not
living
art
.
It
’
s
not
a
limb
of
your
body
.
I
don
’
t
expect
you
to
understand
this
at
your
age
.
It
can
’
t
be
taught
you
.
You
either
have
it
one
day
,
or
you
don
’
t
.
They
’
re
teaching
you
to
express
personality
at
the
Slade
—
personality
in
general
.
But
however
good
you
get
at
translating
personality
into
line
or
paint
it
’
s
no
go
if
your
personality
isn
’
t
worth
translating
.
It
’
s
all
luck
.
Pure
hazard
.
