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This
was
the
way
we
loved
,
until
the
night
became
a
silent
day
.
And
as
I
lay
there
with
her
I
could
see
how
im
­
portant
physical
love
was
,
how
necessary
it
was
for
us
to
be
in
each
other
s
arms
,
giving
and
taking
.
The
universe
was
exploding
,
each
particle
away
from
the
next
,
hurtling
us
into
dark
and
lonely
space
,
eternally
tearing
us
away
from
each
other
child
out
of
the
womb
,
friend
away
from
friend
,
moving
from
each
other
,
each
through
his
own
pathway
toward
the
goal
-
box
of
solitary
death
.
But
this
was
the
counterweight
,
the
act
of
binding
and
holding
.
As
when
men
to
keep
from
being
swept
over
­
board
in
the
storm
clutch
at
each
other
s
hands
to
resist
being
torn
apart
,
so
our
bodies
fused
a
link
in
the
human
chain
that
kept
us
from
being
swept
into
nothing
.
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And
in
the
moment
before
I
fell
off
into
sleep
,
I
re
­
membered
the
way
it
had
been
between
Fay
and
myself
,
and
I
smiled
.
No
wonder
that
had
been
easy
.
It
had
been
only
physical
.
This
with
Alice
was
a
mystery
.
I
leaned
over
and
kissed
her
eyes
.
Alice
knows
everything
about
me
now
,
and
accepts
the
fact
that
we
can
be
together
for
only
a
short
while
.
She
has
agreed
to
go
away
when
I
tell
her
to
go
.
It
s
painful
to
think
about
that
,
but
what
we
have
,
I
suspect
,
is
more
than
most
people
find
in
a
lifetime
.
October
14
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I
wake
up
in
the
morning
and
don
t
know
where
I
am
or
what
I
m
doing
here
,
and
then
I
see
her
be
­
side
me
and
I
remember
.
She
senses
when
something
is
happening
to
me
,
and
she
moves
quietly
around
the
apart
­
ment
,
making
breakfast
,
cleaning
up
the
place
,
or
going
out
and
leaving
me
to
myself
,
without
any
questions
.
We
went
to
a
concert
this
evening
,
but
I
got
bored
and
we
left
in
the
middle
.
Can
t
seem
to
pay
much
attention
any
more
.
I
went
because
I
know
I
used
to
like
Stravinsky
but
somehow
I
no
longer
have
the
patience
for
it
.
The
only
bad
thing
about
having
Alice
here
with
me
is
that
now
I
feel
I
should
fight
this
thing
.
I
want
to
stop
time
,
freeze
myself
at
this
level
and
never
let
go
of
her
.