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"
So
knowledge
is
nothing
here
,
"
he
said
to
himself
with
disgust
.
"
Progress
in
doctrine
,
in
sacred
history
,
etc
.
,
only
seem
to
count
.
Everything
said
on
those
subjects
is
only
intended
to
entrap
fools
like
me
.
Alas
my
only
merit
consists
in
my
rapid
progress
,
and
in
the
way
in
which
I
grasp
all
their
nonsense
.
Do
they
really
value
those
things
at
their
true
worth
?
Do
they
judge
them
like
I
do
.
And
I
had
the
stupidity
to
be
proud
of
my
quickness
.
The
only
result
of
my
coming
out
top
has
been
to
give
me
inveterate
enemies
.
Chazel
,
who
really
knows
more
than
I
do
,
always
throws
some
blunder
in
his
compositions
which
gets
him
put
back
to
the
fiftieth
place
.
If
he
comes
out
first
,
it
is
only
because
he
is
absent
-
minded
.
O
how
useful
would
one
word
,
just
one
word
,
of
M
.
Pirard
,
have
been
to
me
.
"
As
soon
as
Julien
was
disillusioned
,
the
long
exercises
in
ascetic
piety
,
such
as
the
attendances
in
the
chapel
five
times
a
week
,
the
intonation
of
hymns
at
the
chapel
of
the
Sacré
Cœur
,
etc
.
,
etc
.
,
which
had
previously
seemed
to
him
so
deadly
boring
,
became
his
most
interesting
opportunities
for
action
.
Thanks
to
a
severe
introspection
,
and
above
all
,
by
trying
not
to
overdo
his
methods
,
Julien
did
not
attempt
at
the
outset
to
perform
significant
actions
(
that
is
to
say
,
actions
which
are
proof
of
a
certain
Christian
perfection
)
like
those
seminarists
who
served
as
a
model
to
the
rest
.
Seminarists
have
a
special
way
,
even
of
eating
a
poached
egg
,
which
betokens
progress
in
the
devout
life
.
The
reader
who
smiles
at
this
will
perhaps
be
good
enough
to
remember
all
the
mistakes
which
the
abbé
Delille
made
over
the
eating
of
an
egg
when
he
was
invited
to
breakfast
with
a
lady
of
the
Court
of
Louis
XVI
.
Julien
first
tried
to
arrive
at
the
state
of
non
culpa
,
that
is
to
say
the
state
of
the
young
seminarist
whose
demeanour
and
manner
of
moving
his
arms
,
eyes
,
etc
.
while
in
fact
without
any
trace
of
worldliness
,
do
not
yet
indicate
that
the
person
is
entirely
absorbed
by
the
conception
of
the
other
world
,
and
the
idea
of
the
pure
nothingness
of
this
one
.
Julien
incessantly
found
such
phrases
as
these
charcoaled
on
the
walls
of
the
corridors
.
"
What
are
sixty
years
of
ordeals
balanced
against
an
eternity
of
delights
or
any
eternity
of
boiling
oil
in
hell
?
"
He
despised
them
no
longer
.
He
realised
that
it
was
necessary
to
have
them
incessantly
before
his
eyes
.
"
What
am
I
going
to
do
all
my
life
,
"
he
said
to
himself
.
"
I
shall
sell
to
the
faithful
a
place
in
heaven
.
How
am
I
going
to
make
that
place
visible
to
their
eyes
?
By
the
difference
between
my
appearance
and
that
of
a
layman
.
"
After
several
months
of
absolutely
unremitting
application
,
Julien
still
had
the
appearance
of
thinking
.
The
way
in
which
he
would
move
his
eyes
and
hold
his
mouth
did
not
betoken
that
implicit
faith
which
is
ready
to
believe
everything
and
undergo
everything
,
even
at
the
cost
of
martyrdom
.
Julien
saw
with
anger
that
he
was
surpassed
in
this
by
the
coarsest
peasants
.
There
was
good
reason
for
their
not
appearing
full
of
thought
.
What
pains
did
he
not
take
to
acquire
that
facial
expression
of
blindly
fervent
faith
which
is
found
so
frequently
in
the
Italian
convents
,
and
of
which
Le
Guerchin
has
left
such
perfect
models
in
his
Church
pictures
for
the
benefit
of
us
laymen
.
On
feast
-
days
,
the
seminarists
were
regaled
with
sausages
and
cabbage
.
Julien
’
s
table
neighbours
observed
that
he
did
not
appreciate
this
happiness
.
That
was
looked
upon
as
one
of
his
paramount
crimes
.
His
comrades
saw
in
this
a
most
odious
trait
,
and
the
most
foolish
hypocrisy
.
Nothing
made
him
more
enemies
.
"
Look
at
this
bourgeois
,
look
at
this
stuck
-
up
person
,
"
they
would
say
,
"
who
pretends
to
despise
the
best
rations
there
are
,
sausages
and
cabbage
,
shame
on
the
villain
!
The
haughty
wretch
,
he
is
damned
for
ever
.
"
