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"
Leave
her
alone
!
"
he
said
sternly
--
"
Let
her
find
God
if
she
can
!
"
The
girl
looked
up
at
him
terrified
,
her
eyes
streaming
with
tears
,
and
he
dropped
two
or
three
gold
pieces
into
her
hand
.
She
broke
out
crying
afresh
.
"
Oh
God
bless
you
!
"
she
cried
wildly
--
"
God
bless
you
!
"
He
raised
his
hat
and
stood
uncovered
in
the
moonlight
,
his
dark
beauty
softened
by
a
strangely
wistful
expression
.
"
I
thank
you
!
"
he
said
simply
--
"
You
make
me
your
debtor
.
"
And
he
passed
on
;
we
followed
,
somewhat
subdued
and
silenced
,
though
one
of
my
lordling
friends
sniggered
idiotically
.
"
You
paid
dearly
for
that
blessing
,
Rimânez
!
"
he
said
--
"
You
gave
her
three
sovereigns
;
--
by
Jove
!
I
'd
have
had
something
more
than
a
blessing
if
I
had
been
you
.
"
"
No
doubt
!
"
returned
Rimânez
--
"
You
deserve
more
--
much
more
!
I
hope
you
will
get
it
!
A
blessing
would
be
of
no
advantage
whatever
to
you
;
--
it
is
,
to
me
.
"
How
often
I
have
thought
of
this
incident
since
!
I
was
too
dense
to
attach
either
meaning
or
importance
to
it
then
--
self-absorbed
as
I
was
,
I
paid
no
attention
to
circumstances
which
seemed
to
have
no
connection
with
my
own
life
and
affairs
.
And
in
all
my
dissipations
and
so-called
amusements
,
a
perpetual
restlessness
consumed
me
--
I
obtained
no
real
satisfaction
out
of
anything
except
my
slow
and
somewhat
tantalizing
courtship
of
Lady
Sibyl
.
She
was
a
strange
girl
;
she
knew
my
intentions
towards
her
well
enough
;
yet
she
affected
not
to
know
.
Each
time
I
ventured
to
treat
her
with
more
than
the
usual
deference
,
and
to
infuse
something
of
the
ardour
of
a
lover
into
my
looks
or
manner
,
she
feigned
surprise
.
I
wonder
why
it
is
that
some
women
are
so
fond
of
playing
the
hypocrite
in
love
?
Their
own
instinct
teaches
them
when
men
are
amorous
;
but
unless
they
can
run
the
fox
to
earth
,
or
in
other
words
,
reduce
their
suitors
to
the
lowest
pitch
of
grovelling
appeal
,
and
force
them
to
such
abasement
that
the
poor
passion-driven
fools
are
ready
to
fling
away
life
,
and
even
honour
,
dearer
than
life
,
for
their
sakes
,
their
vanity
is
not
sufficiently
gratified
.
But
who
,
or
what
am
I
that
I
should
judge
of
vanity
--
I
whose
egregious
and
flagrant
self-approbation
was
of
such
a
character
that
it
blinded
me
to
the
perception
and
comprehension
of
everything
in
which
my
own
Ego
was
not
represented
!
And
yet
--
with
all
the
morbid
interest
I
took
in
myself
,
my
surroundings
,
my
comfort
,
my
social
advancement
,
there
was
one
thing
which
soon
became
a
torture
to
me
--
a
veritable
despair
and
loathing
--
and
this
,
strange
to
say
,
was
the
very
triumph
I
had
most
looked
forward
to
as
the
crown
and
summit
of
all
my
ambitious
dreams
.
My
book
--
the
book
I
had
presumed
to
consider
a
work
of
genius
--
when
it
was
launched
on
the
tide
of
publicity
and
criticism
,
resolved
itself
into
a
sort
of
literary
monster
that
haunted
my
days
and
nights
with
its
hateful
presence
;
the
thick
,
black-lettered
,
lying
advertisements
scattered
broadcast
by
my
publisher
,
flared
at
me
with
an
offensive
insistence
in
every
paper
I
casually
opened
.
And
the
praise
of
the
reviewers
!
...
the
exaggerated
,
preposterous
,
fraudulent
'
boom
'
!
Good
God
!
--
how
sickening
it
was
!
--
how
fulsome
!
Every
epithet
of
flattery
bestowed
upon
me
filled
me
with
disgust
,
and
one
day
when
I
took
up
a
leading
magazine
and
saw
a
long
article
upon
the
'
extraordinary
brilliancy
and
promise
'
of
my
book
,
comparing
me
to
a
new
Æschylus
and
Shakespeare
combined
,
with
the
signature
of
David
McWhing
appended
to
it
,
I
could
have
thrashed
that
erudite
and
assuredly
purchased
Scot
within
an
inch
of
his
life
.
