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"
Except
--
Mavis
Clare
!
"
I
said
"
True
!
Except
Mavis
Clare
!
"
and
he
laughed
aloud
--
a
laugh
that
jarred
upon
me
because
there
was
a
note
of
mockery
in
it
--
"
She
is
a
small
fixture
in
the
vast
heavens
--
or
so
it
seems
--
revolving
very
contentedly
and
smoothly
in
her
own
appointed
orbit
--
but
she
is
not
and
never
will
be
attended
by
the
brilliant
meteor-flames
that
will
burst
round
you
,
my
excellent
fellow
,
at
the
signal
of
McWhing
!
Fie
Geoffrey
!
--
get
over
your
sulks
!
Jealous
of
a
woman
!
Be
ashamed
--
is
not
woman
the
inferior
creature
?
,
and
shall
the
mere
spectre
of
a
feminine
fame
cause
a
five-fold
millionaire
to
abase
his
lofty
spirit
in
the
dust
?
Conquer
your
strange
fit
of
the
spleen
,
Geoffrey
,
and
join
me
at
dinner
!
"
He
laughed
again
as
he
left
the
room
--
and
again
his
laughter
irritated
me
.
When
he
had
gone
,
I
gave
way
to
the
base
and
unworthy
impulse
that
had
for
some
minutes
been
rankling
within
me
,
and
sitting
down
at
my
writing
table
,
penned
a
hasty
note
to
the
editor
of
a
rather
powerful
magazine
,
a
man
whom
I
had
formerly
known
and
worked
for
.
He
was
aware
of
my
altered
fortunes
and
the
influential
position
I
now
occupied
,
and
I
felt
confident
he
would
be
glad
to
oblige
me
in
any
matter
if
he
could
.
My
letter
,
marked
'
private
and
confidential
'
contained
the
request
that
I
might
be
permitted
to
write
for
his
next
number
,
an
anonymous
'
slashing
'
review
of
the
new
novel
entitled
'
Differences
'
by
Mavis
Clare
.
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It
is
almost
impossible
for
me
to
describe
the
feverish
,
irritated
and
contradictory
state
of
mind
in
which
I
now
began
to
pass
my
days
.
With
the
absolute
fixity
of
my
fortunes
,
my
humours
became
more
changeful
than
the
wind
,
and
I
was
never
absolutely
contented
for
two
hours
together
.
I
joined
in
every
sort
of
dissipation
common
to
men
of
the
day
,
who
with
the
usual
inanity
of
noodles
,
plunged
into
the
filth
of
life
merely
because
to
be
morally
dirty
was
also
at
the
moment
fashionable
and
much
applauded
by
society
.
I
gambled
recklessly
,
solely
for
the
reason
that
gambling
was
considered
by
many
leaders
of
the
'
upper
ten
'
as
indicative
of
'
manliness
'
and
'
showing
grit
.
'
"
I
hate
a
fellow
who
grudges
losing
a
few
pounds
at
play
,
"
--
said
one
of
these
'
distinguished
'
titled
asses
to
me
once
--
"
It
shows
such
a
cowardly
and
currish
disposition
.
"
Guided
by
this
'
new
'
morality
,
and
wishing
to
avoid
the
possibility
of
being
called
"
cowardly
and
currish
,
"
I
indulged
in
baccarat
and
other
ruinous
games
almost
every
night
,
willingly
losing
the
'
few
pounds
'
which
in
my
case
meant
a
few
hundreds
,
for
the
sake
of
my
occasional
winnings
,
which
placed
a
number
of
'
noble
'
rakes
and
blue-blooded
blacklegs
in
my
power
for
'
debts
of
honour
,
'
which
are
supposed
to
be
more
strictly
attended
to
and
more
punctually
paid
than
any
debts
in
the
world
,
but
which
,
as
far
as
I
am
concerned
,
are
still
owing
.
I
also
betted
heavily
,
on
everything
that
could
be
made
the
subject
of
a
bet
--
and
not
to
be
behind
my
peers
in
'
style
'
and
'
knowledge
of
the
world
'
I
frequented
low
houses
and
allowed
a
few
half-nude
brandy-soaked
dancers
and
vulgar
music-hall
'
artistes
'
to
get
a
couple
of
thousand
pounds
worth
of
jewels
out
of
me
,
because
this
sort
of
thing
was
called
'
seeing
life
'
and
was
deemed
part
of
a
'
gentleman
's
'
diversion
.
Heavens
!
--
what
beasts
we
all
were
,
I
and
my
aristocratic
boon
companions
!
--
what
utterly
worthless
,
useless
,
callous
scoundrels
!
--
and
yet
--
we
associated
with
the
best
and
the
highest
in
the
land
;
--
the
fairest
and
noblest
ladies
in
London
received
us
in
their
houses
with
smiles
and
softly-worded
flatteries
--
we
--
whose
presence
reeked
with
vice
;
we
,
'
young
men
of
fashion
'
whom
,
if
he
had
known
our
lives
as
they
were
,
an
honest
cobbler
working
patiently
for
daily
bread
,
might
have
spat
upon
,
in
contempt
and
indignation
that
such
low
rascals
should
be
permitted
to
burden
the
earth
!
Sometimes
,
but
very
seldom
,
Rimânez
joined
our
gambling
and
music-hall
parties
,
and
on
such
occasions
I
noticed
that
he
,
as
it
were
,
'
let
himself
go
'
and
became
the
wildest
of
us
all
.
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But
though
wild
he
was
never
coarse
--
as
we
were
;
his
deep
and
mellow
laughter
had
a
sonorous
richness
in
it
that
was
totally
unlike
the
donkey
's
'
hee-haw
'
of
our
'
cultured
'
mirth
--
his
manners
were
never
vulgar
;
and
his
fluent
discourse
on
men
and
things
,
now
witty
and
satirical
,
now
serious
almost
to
pathos
,
strangely
affected
many
of
those
who
heard
him
talk
,
myself
most
of
all
.
Once
,
I
remember
,
when
we
were
returning
late
from
some
foolish
carouse
--
I
with
three
young
sons
of
English
peers
,
and
Rimânez
walking
beside
us
--
we
came
upon
a
poorly
clad
girl
sobbing
and
clinging
to
the
iron
railing
outside
a
closed
church
door
.
"
Oh
God
!
"
she
wailed
--
"
Oh
dear
God
!
Do
help
me
!
"
One
of
my
companions
seized
her
by
the
arm
with
a
lewd
jest
,
when
all
at
once
Rimânez
stepped
between
.