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"
I
have
loved
you
,
"
she
said
pathetically
.
"
No
,
you
have
n't
.
I
'm
the
goad
of
your
old
age
,
that
's
all
.
When
you
look
at
me
I
remind
you
of
what
you
can
not
do
,
because
of
age
.
"
"
You
're
wrong
.
I
have
loved
you
.
God
,
how
much
!
Do
you
think
my
years
automatically
preclude
it
?
Well
,
Father
de
Bricassart
,
let
me
tell
you
something
.
Inside
this
stupid
body
I
'm
still
young
--
I
still
feel
,
I
still
want
,
I
still
dream
,
I
still
kick
up
my
heels
and
chafe
at
restrictions
like
my
body
.
Old
age
is
the
bitterest
vengeance
our
vengeful
God
inflicts
upon
us
.
Why
does
n't
He
age
our
minds
as
well
?
"
She
leaned
back
in
her
chair
and
closed
her
eyes
,
her
teeth
showing
sourly
.
"
I
shall
go
to
Hell
,
of
course
.
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But
before
I
do
,
I
hope
I
get
the
chance
to
tell
God
what
a
mean
,
spiteful
,
pitiful
apology
of
a
God
He
is
!
"
"
You
were
a
widow
too
long
.
God
gave
you
freedom
of
choice
,
Mary
.
You
could
have
remarried
.
If
you
chose
not
to
remarry
and
in
consequence
you
've
been
intolerably
lonely
,
it
's
your
own
doing
,
not
God
's
.
"
For
a
moment
she
said
nothing
,
her
hands
gripping
the
chair
arms
hard
;
then
she
began
to
relax
,
and
opened
her
eyes
.
They
glittered
in
the
lamplight
redly
,
but
not
with
tears
;
with
something
harder
,
more
brilliant
.
He
caught
his
breath
,
felt
fear
.
She
looked
like
a
spider
.
"
Ralph
,
on
my
desk
is
an
envelope
.
Would
you
bring
it
to
me
,
please
?
"
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Aching
and
afraid
,
he
got
up
and
went
to
her
desk
,
lifted
the
letter
,
eyed
it
curiously
.
The
face
of
it
was
blank
,
but
the
back
had
been
properly
sealed
with
red
wax
and
her
ram
's
head
seal
with
the
big
D
.
He
brought
it
to
her
and
held
it
out
,
but
she
waved
him
to
his
seat
without
taking
it
.
"
It
's
yours
,
"
she
said
,
and
giggled
.
"
The
instrument
of
your
fate
,
Ralph
,
that
's
what
it
is
.
My
last
and
most
telling
thrust
in
our
long
battle
.
What
a
pity
I
wo
n't
be
here
to
see
what
happens
.
But
I
know
what
will
happen
,
because
I
know
you
,
I
know
you
much
better
than
you
think
I
do
.
Insufferable
conceit
!
Inside
that
envelope
lies
the
fate
of
your
life
and
your
soul
.
I
must
lose
you
to
Meggie
,
but
I
've
made
sure
she
does
n't
get
you
,
either
.
"
"
Why
do
you
hate
Meggie
so
?
"