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"
It
wo
n't
be
I
that
will
do
that
,
"
he
observed
;
adding
,
"
and
let
me
tell
you
,
at
the
same
time
,
I
've
had
about
enough
of
this
.
"
I
tore
myself
out
,
sick
with
hunger
,
and
boiling
with
shame
.
I
had
turned
myself
into
a
dog
for
the
sake
of
a
miserable
bone
,
and
I
had
not
got
it
.
Nay
,
now
there
must
be
an
end
of
this
!
It
had
really
gone
all
too
far
with
me
.
I
had
held
myself
up
for
many
years
,
stood
erect
through
so
many
hard
hours
,
and
now
,
all
at
once
,
I
had
sunk
to
the
lowest
form
of
begging
.
This
one
day
had
coarsened
my
whole
mind
,
bespattered
my
soul
with
shamelessness
.
I
had
not
been
too
abashed
to
stand
and
whine
in
the
pettiest
huckster
's
shop
,
and
what
had
it
availed
me
?
But
was
I
not
then
without
the
veriest
atom
of
bread
to
put
inside
my
mouth
?
I
had
succeeded
in
rendering
myself
a
thing
loathsome
to
myself
.
Yes
,
yes
;
but
it
must
come
to
an
end
.
Presently
they
would
lock
the
outer
door
at
home
?
I
must
hurry
unless
I
wished
to
lie
in
the
guard-house
again
.
This
gave
me
strength
.
Lie
in
that
cell
again
I
would
not
.
With
body
bent
forward
,
and
my
hands
pressed
hard
against
my
left
ribs
to
deaden
the
stings
a
little
,
I
struggled
on
,
keeping
my
eyes
fastened
upon
the
paving
-
stones
that
I
might
not
be
forced
to
bow
to
possible
acquaintances
,
and
hastened
to
the
fire
look-out
.
God
be
praised
!
it
was
only
seven
o'clock
by
the
dial
on
Our
Saviour
's
;
I
had
three
hours
yet
before
the
door
would
be
locked
.
What
a
fright
I
had
been
in
!
Well
,
there
was
not
a
stone
left
unturned
.
I
had
done
all
I
could
.
To
think
that
I
really
could
not
succeed
once
in
a
whole
day
!
If
I
told
it
no
one
could
believe
it
;
if
I
were
to
write
it
down
they
would
say
I
had
invented
it
.
Not
in
a
single
place
!
Well
,
well
,
there
is
no
help
for
it
.
Before
all
,
do
n't
go
and
get
pathetic
again
.
Bah
!
how
disgusting
!
I
can
assure
you
,
it
makes
me
have
a
loathing
for
you
.
If
all
hope
is
over
,
why
there
is
an
end
of
it
.
Could
n't
I
,
for
that
matter
,
steal
a
handful
of
oats
in
the
stable
?
A
streak
of
light
--
a
ray
--
yet
I
knew
the
stable
was
shut
.
I
took
my
ease
,
and
crept
home
at
a
slow
snail
's
pace
.
I
felt
thirsty
,
luckily
for
the
first
time
through
the
whole
day
,
and
I
went
and
sought
about
for
a
place
where
I
could
get
a
drink
.
I
was
a
long
distance
away
from
the
bazaar
,
and
I
would
not
ask
at
a
private
house
.
Perhaps
,
though
,
I
could
wait
till
I
got
home
;
it
would
take
a
quarter
of
an
hour
.
It
was
not
at
all
so
certain
that
I
could
keep
down
a
draught
of
water
,
either
;
my
stomach
no
longer
suffered
in
any
way
--
I
even
felt
nausea
at
the
spittle
I
swallowed
.
But
the
buttons
!
I
had
not
tried
the
buttons
at
all
yet
.
There
I
stood
,
stock-still
,
and
commenced
to
smile
.
Maybe
there
was
a
remedy
,
in
spite
of
all
!
I
was
n't
totally
doomed
.
I
should
certainly
get
a
penny
for
them
;
tomorrow
I
might
raise
another
some
place
or
other
,
and
Thursday
I
might
be
paid
for
my
newspaper
article
.
I
should
just
see
it
would
come
out
all
right
.
To
think
that
I
could
really
go
and
forget
the
buttons
.
I
took
them
out
of
my
pocket
,
and
inspected
them
as
I
walked
on
again
.
My
eyes
grew
dazed
with
joy
.
I
did
not
see
the
street
;
I
simply
went
on
.
Did
n't
I
know
exactly
the
big
pawn-shop
--
my
refuge
in
the
dark
evenings
,
with
my
blood-sucking
friend
?
One
by
one
my
possessions
had
vanished
there
--
my
little
things
from
home
--
my
last
book
.
I
liked
to
go
there
on
auction
days
,
to
look
on
,
and
rejoice
each
time
my
books
seemed
likely
to
fall
into
good
hands
.
Magelsen
,
the
actor
,
had
my
watch
;
I
was
almost
proud
of
that
.
A
diary
,
in
which
I
had
written
my
first
small
poetical
attempt
,
had
been
bought
by
an
acquaintance
,
and
my
topcoat
had
found
a
haven
with
a
photographer
,
to
be
used
in
the
studio
.
So
there
was
no
cause
to
grumble
about
any
of
them
.
I
held
my
buttons
ready
in
my
hand
;
"
Uncle
"
is
sitting
at
his
desk
,
writing
.
"
I
am
not
in
a
hurry
,
"
I
say
,
afraid
of
disturbing
him
,
and
making
him
impatient
at
my
application
.
My
voice
sounded
so
curiously
hollow
I
hardly
recognized
it
again
,
and
my
heart
beat
like
a
sledge-hammer
.
He
came
smilingly
over
to
me
,
as
was
his
wont
,
laid
both
his
hands
flat
on
the
counter
,
and
looked
at
my
face
without
saying
anything
.
Yes
,
I
had
brought
something
of
which
I
would
ask
him
if
he
could
make
any
use
;
something
which
is
only
in
my
way
at
home
,
assure
you
of
it
--
are
quite
an
annoyance
--
some
buttons
.
Well
,
what
then
?
what
was
there
about
the
buttons
?
and
he
thrusts
his
eyes
down
close
to
my
hand
.
Could
n't
he
give
me
a
couple
of
halfpence
for
them
?
--
whatever
he
thought
himself
--
quite
according
to
his
own
judgment
.
"
For
the
buttons
?
"
--
and
"
Uncle
"
stares
astonishedly
at
me
--
"
for
these
buttons
?
"
Only
for
a
cigar
or
whatever
he
liked
himself
;
I
was
just
passing
,
and
thought
I
would
look
in
.
