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"
No
;
I
wo
n't
have
it
at
all
,
man
!
I
would
n't
have
it
in
the
house
!
"
I
took
it
under
my
arm
and
went
home
.
I
acted
as
if
nothing
had
passed
,
spread
it
over
the
bed
again
,
smoothed
it
well
out
,
as
was
my
custom
,
and
tried
to
wipe
away
every
trace
of
my
late
action
.
I
could
not
possibly
have
been
in
my
right
mind
at
the
moment
when
I
came
to
the
conclusion
to
commit
this
rascally
trick
.
The
more
I
thought
over
it
the
more
unreasonable
it
seemed
to
me
.
It
must
have
been
an
attack
of
weakness
;
some
relaxation
in
my
inner
self
that
had
surprised
me
when
off
my
guard
.
Neither
had
I
fallen
straight
into
the
trap
.
I
had
half
felt
that
I
was
going
the
wrong
road
,
and
I
expressly
offered
my
glasses
first
,
and
I
rejoiced
greatly
that
I
had
not
had
the
opportunity
of
carrying
into
effect
this
fault
which
would
have
sullied
the
last
hours
I
had
to
live
.
I
wandered
out
into
the
city
again
.
I
let
myself
sink
upon
one
of
the
seats
by
Our
Saviour
's
Church
;
dozed
with
my
head
on
my
breast
,
apathetic
after
my
last
excitement
,
sick
and
famished
with
hunger
.
And
time
went
by
.
I
should
have
to
sit
out
this
hour
,
too
.
It
was
a
little
lighter
outside
than
in
the
house
,
and
it
seemed
to
me
that
my
chest
did
not
pain
quite
so
badly
out
in
the
open
air
.
I
should
get
home
,
too
,
soon
enough
--
and
I
dozed
,
and
thought
,
and
suffered
fearfully
.
I
had
found
a
little
pebble
;
I
wiped
it
clean
on
my
coat
sleeve
and
put
it
into
my
mouth
so
that
I
might
have
something
to
mumble
.
Otherwise
I
did
not
stir
,
and
did
n't
even
wink
an
eyelid
.
People
came
and
went
;
the
noise
of
cars
,
the
tramp
of
hoofs
,
and
chatter
of
tongues
filled
the
air
.
I
might
try
with
the
buttons
.
Of
course
there
would
be
no
use
in
trying
;
and
besides
,
I
was
now
in
a
rather
bad
way
;
but
when
I
came
to
consider
the
matter
closely
,
I
would
be
obliged
,
as
it
were
,
to
pass
in
the
direction
of
my
"
Uncle
's
"
as
I
went
home
.
At
last
I
got
up
,
dragging
myself
slowly
to
my
feet
,
and
reeled
down
the
streets
.
It
began
to
burn
over
my
eyebrows
--
fever
was
setting
in
,
and
I
hurried
as
fast
as
I
could
.
Once
more
I
passed
the
baker
's
shop
where
the
little
loaf
lay
.
"
Well
,
we
must
stop
here
!
"
I
said
,
with
affected
decision
.
But
supposing
I
were
to
go
in
and
beg
for
a
bit
of
bread
?
Surely
that
was
a
fleeting
thought
,
a
flash
;
it
could
never
really
have
occurred
to
me
seriously
.
"
Fie
!
"
I
whispered
to
myself
,
and
shook
my
head
,
and
held
on
my
way
.
In
Rebslager
a
pair
of
lovers
stood
in
a
doorway
and
talked
together
softly
;
a
little
farther
up
a
girl
popped
her
head
out
of
a
window
.
I
walked
so
slowly
and
thoughtfully
,
that
I
looked
as
if
I
might
be
deep
in
meditation
on
nothing
in
particular
,
and
the
wench
came
out
into
the
street
.
"
How
is
the
world
treating
you
,
old
fellow
?
Eh
,
what
,
are
you
ill
?
Nay
,
the
Lord
preserve
us
,
what
a
face
!
"
and
she
drew
away
frightened
.
I
pulled
up
at
once
:
What
's
amiss
with
my
face
?
Had
I
really
begun
to
die
?
I
felt
over
my
cheeks
with
my
hand
;
thin
--
naturally
,
I
was
thin
--
my
cheeks
were
like
two
hollowed
bowls
;
but
Lord
...
I
reeled
along
again
,
but
again
came
to
a
standstill
;
I
must
be
quite
inconceivably
thin
.
Who
knows
but
that
my
eyes
were
sinking
right
into
my
head
?
How
did
I
look
in
reality
?
It
was
the
very
deuce
that
one
must
let
oneself
turn
into
a
living
deformity
for
sheer
hunger
's
sake
.
Once
more
I
was
seized
by
fury
,
a
last
flaring
up
,
a
final
spasm
.
"
Preserve
me
,
what
a
face
.
Eh
?
"
Here
I
was
,
with
a
head
that
could
n't
be
matched
in
the
whole
country
,
with
a
pair
of
fists
that
,
by
the
Lord
,
could
grind
a
navvy
into
finest
dust
,
and
yet
I
went
and
hungered
myself
into
a
deformity
,
right
in
the
town
of
Christiania
.
Was
there
any
rhyme
or
reason
in
that
?
I
had
sat
in
saddle
,
toiled
day
and
night
like
a
carrier
's
horse
.
I
had
read
my
eyes
out
of
their
sockets
,
had
starved
the
brains
out
of
my
head
,
and
what
the
devil
had
I
gained
by
it
?
Even
a
street
hussy
prayed
God
to
deliver
her
from
the
sight
of
me
.
Well
,
now
,
there
should
be
a
stop
to
it
.
Do
you
understand
that
?
Stop
it
shall
,
or
the
devil
take
a
worse
hold
of
me
.
With
steadily
increasing
fury
,
grinding
my
teeth
under
the
consciousness
of
my
impotence
,
with
tears
and
oaths
I
raged
on
,
without
looking
at
the
people
who
passed
me
by
.
I
commenced
once
more
to
martyr
myself
,
ran
my
forehead
against
lamp-posts
on
purpose
,
dug
my
nails
deep
into
my
palms
,
bit
my
tongue
with
frenzy
when
it
did
n't
articulate
clearly
,
and
laughed
insanely
each
time
it
hurt
much
.
