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There
I
stood
,
and
there
she
stood
.
I
purposely
thrust
out
my
chest
to
attract
her
attention
to
the
pin
that
held
my
coat
together
.
I
implored
her
with
a
look
to
see
what
I
had
come
for
,
but
the
poor
creature
did
n't
understand
it
at
all
.
Lovely
God
's
weather
.
Was
not
the
mistress
at
home
either
?
Yes
;
but
she
had
gout
,
and
lay
on
a
sofa
without
being
able
to
move
herself
...
.
Perhaps
I
would
leave
a
message
or
something
?
No
,
not
at
all
;
I
only
just
took
walks
like
this
now
and
again
,
just
for
exercise
;
it
was
so
wholesome
after
dinner
...
.
I
set
out
on
the
road
back
--
what
would
gossiping
longer
lead
to
?
Besides
,
I
commenced
to
feel
dizzy
.
There
was
no
mistake
about
it
;
I
was
about
to
break
down
in
earnest
.
Office
hours
from
12
to
4
.
I
had
knocked
at
the
door
an
hour
too
late
.
The
time
of
grace
was
over
.
I
sat
down
on
one
of
the
benches
near
the
church
in
the
market
.
Lord
!
how
black
things
began
to
look
for
me
now
!
I
did
not
cry
;
I
was
too
utterly
tired
,
worn
to
the
last
degree
.
I
sat
there
without
trying
to
arrive
at
any
conclusion
,
sad
,
motionless
,
and
starving
.
My
chest
was
much
inflamed
;
it
smarted
most
strangely
and
sorely
--
nor
would
chewing
shavings
help
me
much
longer
.
My
jaws
were
tired
of
that
barren
work
,
and
I
let
them
rest
.
I
simply
gave
up
.
A
brown
orange-peel
,
too
,
I
had
found
in
the
street
,
and
which
I
had
at
once
commenced
to
chew
,
had
given
me
nausea
.
I
was
ill
--
the
veins
swelled
up
bluely
on
my
wrists
.
What
was
it
I
had
really
sought
after
?
Run
about
the
whole
live-long
day
for
a
shilling
,
that
would
but
keep
life
in
me
for
a
few
hours
longer
.
Considering
all
,
was
it
not
a
matter
of
indifference
if
the
inevitable
took
place
one
day
earlier
or
one
day
later
?
If
I
had
conducted
myself
like
an
ordinary
being
I
should
have
gone
home
long
ago
,
and
laid
myself
down
to
rest
,
and
given
in
.
My
mind
was
clear
for
a
moment
.
Now
I
was
to
die
.
It
was
in
the
time
of
the
fall
,
and
all
things
were
hushed
to
sleep
.
I
had
tried
every
means
,
exhausted
every
resource
of
which
I
knew
.
I
fondled
this
thought
sentimentally
,
and
each
time
I
still
hoped
for
a
possible
succour
I
whispered
repudiatingly
:
"
You
fool
,
you
have
already
begun
to
die
.
"
I
ought
to
write
a
couple
of
letters
,
make
all
ready
--
prepare
myself
.
I
would
wash
myself
carefully
and
tidy
my
bed
nicely
.
I
would
lay
my
head
upon
the
sheets
of
white
paper
,
the
cleanest
things
I
had
left
,
and
the
green
blanket
.
I
...
The
green
blanket
!
Like
a
shot
I
was
wide
awake
.
The
blood
mounted
to
my
head
,
and
I
got
violent
palpitation
of
the
heart
.
I
arise
from
the
seat
,
and
start
to
walk
.
Life
stirs
again
in
all
my
fibres
,
and
time
after
time
I
repeat
disconnectedly
,
"
The
green
blanket
--
the
green
blanket
.
"
I
go
faster
and
faster
,
as
if
it
is
a
case
of
fetching
something
,
and
stand
after
a
little
time
in
my
tinker
's
workshop
.
Without
pausing
a
moment
,
or
wavering
in
my
resolution
,
I
go
over
to
the
bed
,
and
roll
up
Hans
Pauli
's
blanket
.
It
was
a
strange
thing
if
this
bright
idea
of
mine
could
n't
save
me
.
I
rose
infinitely
superior
to
the
stupid
scruples
which
sprang
up
in
me
--
half
inward
cries
about
a
certain
stain
on
my
honour
.
I
bade
good-bye
to
the
whole
of
them
.
I
was
no
hero
--
no
virtuous
idiot
.
I
had
my
senses
left
.
So
I
took
the
blanket
under
my
arm
and
went
to
No.
5
Stener
's
Street
.
I
knocked
,
and
entered
the
big
,
strange
room
for
the
first
time
.
The
bell
on
the
door
above
my
head
gave
a
lot
of
violent
jerks
.
A
man
enters
from
a
side
room
,
chewing
,
his
mouth
is
full
of
food
,
and
stands
behind
the
counter
.
"
Eh
,
lend
me
sixpence
on
my
eye-glasses
?
"
said
I.
"
I
shall
release
them
in
a
couple
of
days
,
without
fail
--
eh
?
"
"
No
!
they
're
steel
,
are
n't
they
?
"
