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Mom
always
said
that
it
was
because
Teddy
saw
me
first
,
and
because
I
cut
his
cord
,
that
somewhere
deep
down
he
thought
I
was
his
mother
.
"
It
’
s
like
those
goslings
,
"
Mom
joked
.
"
Imprinting
on
a
zoologist
,
not
the
mama
goose
,
because
he
was
the
first
one
they
saw
when
they
hatched
.
"
She
exaggerated
.
Teddy
didn
’
t
really
think
I
was
his
mother
,
but
there
were
certain
things
that
only
I
could
do
for
him
.
When
he
was
a
baby
and
going
through
his
nightly
fussy
period
,
he
’
d
only
calm
down
after
I
played
him
a
lullaby
on
my
cello
.
When
he
started
getting
into
Harry
Potter
,
only
I
was
allowed
to
read
a
chapter
to
him
every
night
.
And
when
he
’
d
skin
a
knee
or
bump
his
head
,
if
I
was
around
he
would
not
stop
crying
until
I
bestowed
a
magic
kiss
on
the
injury
,
after
which
he
’
d
miraculously
recover
.
I
know
that
all
the
magic
kisses
in
the
world
probably
couldn
’
t
have
helped
him
today
.
But
I
would
do
anything
to
have
been
able
to
give
him
one
.
I
run
away
.
I
leave
Adam
,
Kim
,
and
Willow
in
the
lobby
and
I
just
start
careening
through
the
hospital
.
I
don
’
t
realize
I
’
m
looking
for
the
pediatric
ward
until
I
get
there
.
I
tear
through
the
halls
,
past
rooms
with
nervous
four
-
year
-
olds
sleeping
restlessly
before
tomorrow
’
s
tonsillectomies
,
past
the
neonatal
ICU
with
babies
the
size
of
fists
,
hooked
up
to
more
tubes
than
I
am
,
past
the
pediatric
oncology
unit
where
bald
cancer
patients
sleep
under
cheerful
murals
of
rainbows
and
balloons
.
I
’
m
looking
for
him
,
even
though
I
know
I
won
’
t
find
him
.
Still
,
I
have
to
keep
looking
.
I
picture
his
head
,
his
tight
blond
curls
.
I
love
to
nuzzle
my
face
in
those
curls
,
have
done
since
he
was
a
baby
.
I
kept
waiting
for
the
day
when
he
’
d
swat
me
away
,
say
"
You
’
re
embarrassing
me
,
"
the
way
he
does
to
Dad
when
Dad
cheers
too
loudly
at
T
-
ball
games
.
But
so
far
,
that
hadn
’
t
happened
.
So
far
,
I
’
ve
been
allowed
constant
access
to
that
head
of
his
.
So
far
.
Now
there
is
no
more
so
far
.
It
’
s
over
.
I
picture
myself
nuzzling
his
head
one
last
time
,
and
I
can
’
t
even
imagine
it
without
seeing
myself
crying
,
my
tears
turning
his
blond
curlicues
straight
.
Teddy
is
never
going
to
graduate
from
T
-
ball
to
baseball
.
He
’
s
never
going
to
grow
a
mustache
.
Never
going
to
get
into
a
fistfight
or
shoot
a
deer
or
kiss
a
girl
or
have
sex
or
fall
in
love
or
get
married
or
father
his
own
curly
-
haired
child
.
I
’
m
only
ten
years
older
than
him
,
but
it
’
s
like
I
’
ve
already
had
so
much
more
life
.
It
is
unfair
.
If
one
of
us
should
have
been
left
behind
,
if
one
of
us
should
be
given
the
opportunity
for
more
life
,
it
should
be
him
.
I
race
through
the
hospital
like
a
trapped
wild
animal
.
Teddy
?
I
call
.
Where
are
you
?
Come
back
to
me
!
