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I
was
about
to
explain
that
even
if
I
did
go
to
Juilliard
,
I
’
d
be
home
for
Christmas
and
New
Year
’
s
,
but
then
I
realized
that
wasn
’
t
the
point
.
So
I
promised
him
because
I
wanted
it
to
be
true
as
much
as
he
did
.
And
I
kissed
him
back
so
hard
,
like
I
was
trying
to
merge
our
bodies
through
our
lips
.
On
New
Year
’
s
Day
,
I
came
home
to
find
the
rest
of
my
family
gathered
in
the
kitchen
with
Henry
,
Willow
,
and
the
baby
.
Dad
was
making
breakfast
:
smoked
-
salmon
hash
,
his
specialty
.
Henry
shook
his
head
when
he
saw
me
.
"
Look
at
the
kids
today
.
Seems
like
just
yesterday
that
stumbling
home
at
eight
o
’
clock
felt
early
.
Now
I
’
d
kill
just
to
be
able
to
sleep
until
eight
.
"
"
We
didn
’
t
even
make
it
till
midnight
,
"
Willow
admitted
,
bouncing
the
baby
on
her
lap
.
"
Good
thing
,
because
this
little
lady
decided
to
start
her
new
year
at
five
-
thirty
.
"
"
I
stayed
up
till
midnight
!
"
Teddy
yelled
.
"
I
saw
the
ball
drop
on
TV
at
twelve
.
It
’
s
in
New
York
,
you
know
?
If
you
move
there
,
will
you
take
me
to
see
it
drop
in
real
life
?
"
he
asked
.
"
Sure
,
Teddy
,
"
I
said
feigning
enthusiasm
.
The
idea
of
me
going
to
New
York
was
seeming
more
and
more
real
,
and
though
this
generally
filled
me
with
a
nervous
,
if
conflicted
,
excitement
,
the
image
of
me
and
Teddy
hanging
out
together
on
New
Year
’
s
Eve
left
me
feeling
unbearably
lonely
.
Mom
looked
at
me
,
eyebrows
arched
.
"
It
’
s
New
Year
’
s
Day
,
so
I
won
’
t
give
you
shit
for
coming
in
at
this
hour
.
But
if
you
’
re
hungover
,
you
’
re
grounded
.
"
"
I
’
m
not
.
I
had
one
beer
.
I
’
m
just
tired
.
"
"
Just
tired
,
is
it
?
You
sure
?
"
Mom
grabbed
ahold
of
my
wrist
and
turned
me
toward
her
.
When
she
saw
my
stricken
expression
,
she
tilted
her
head
to
the
side
as
if
to
say
,
You
okay
?
I
shrugged
and
bit
my
lip
to
keep
from
losing
it
.
Mom
nodded
.
She
handed
me
a
cup
of
coffee
and
led
me
to
the
table
.
She
put
down
a
plate
of
hash
and
a
thick
slice
of
sourdough
bread
,
and
even
though
I
couldn
’
t
imagine
being
hungry
,
my
mouth
watered
and
my
stomach
rumbled
and
I
was
suddenly
ravenous
.
I
ate
silently
,
Mom
watching
me
all
the
while
.
After
everyone
was
done
,
Mom
sent
the
rest
of
them
into
the
living
room
to
watch
the
Rose
Parade
on
TV
.
