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- Федор Достоевский
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- Стр. 384/592
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"
I
angrily
turned
round
in
bed
and
made
up
my
mind
that
I
would
not
say
a
word
unless
he
did
;
so
I
rested
silently
on
my
pillow
determined
to
remain
dumb
,
if
it
were
to
last
till
morning
.
I
felt
resolved
that
he
should
speak
first
.
Probably
twenty
minutes
or
so
passed
in
this
way
.
Suddenly
the
idea
struck
me
--
what
if
this
is
an
apparition
and
not
Rogojin
himself
?
"
Neither
during
my
illness
nor
at
any
previous
time
had
I
ever
seen
an
apparition
;
--
but
I
had
always
thought
,
both
when
I
was
a
little
boy
,
and
even
now
,
that
if
I
were
to
see
one
I
should
die
on
the
spot
--
though
I
do
n't
believe
in
ghosts
.
And
yet
now
,
when
the
idea
struck
me
that
this
was
a
ghost
and
not
Rogojin
at
all
,
I
was
not
in
the
least
alarmed
.
Nay
--
the
thought
actually
irritated
me
.
Strangely
enough
,
the
decision
of
the
question
as
to
whether
this
were
a
ghost
or
Rogojin
did
not
,
for
some
reason
or
other
,
interest
me
nearly
so
much
as
it
ought
to
have
done
;
--
I
think
I
began
to
muse
about
something
altogether
different
.
For
instance
,
I
began
to
wonder
why
Rogojin
,
who
had
been
in
dressing-gown
and
slippers
when
I
saw
him
at
home
,
had
now
put
on
a
dress-coat
and
white
waistcoat
and
tie
?
I
also
thought
to
myself
,
I
remember
--
'
if
this
is
a
ghost
,
and
I
am
not
afraid
of
it
,
why
do
n't
I
approach
it
and
verify
my
suspicions
?
Perhaps
I
am
afraid
--
'
And
no
sooner
did
this
last
idea
enter
my
head
than
an
icy
blast
blew
over
me
;
I
felt
a
chill
down
my
backbone
and
my
knees
shook
.
"
At
this
very
moment
,
as
though
divining
my
thoughts
,
Rogojin
raised
his
head
from
his
arm
and
began
to
part
his
lips
as
though
he
were
going
to
laugh
--
but
he
continued
to
stare
at
me
as
persistently
as
before
.
"
I
felt
so
furious
with
him
at
this
moment
that
I
longed
to
rush
at
him
;
but
as
I
had
sworn
that
he
should
speak
first
,
I
continued
to
lie
still
--
and
the
more
willingly
,
as
I
was
still
by
no
means
satisfied
as
to
whether
it
really
was
Rogojin
or
not
.
"
I
can
not
remember
how
long
this
lasted
;
I
can
not
recollect
,
either
,
whether
consciousness
forsook
me
at
intervals
,
or
not
.
But
at
last
Rogojin
rose
,
staring
at
me
as
intently
as
ever
,
but
not
smiling
any
longer
,
--
and
walking
very
softly
,
almost
on
tip-toes
,
to
the
door
,
he
opened
it
,
went
out
,
and
shut
it
behind
him
"
I
did
not
rise
from
my
bed
,
and
I
do
n't
know
how
long
I
lay
with
my
eyes
open
,
thinking
.
I
do
n't
know
what
I
thought
about
,
nor
how
I
fell
asleep
or
became
insensible
;
but
I
awoke
next
morning
after
nine
o'clock
when
they
knocked
at
my
door
.
My
general
orders
are
that
if
I
do
n't
open
the
door
and
call
,
by
nine
o'clock
,
Matreona
is
to
come
and
bring
my
tea
.
When
I
now
opened
the
door
to
her
,
the
thought
suddenly
struck
me
--
how
could
he
have
come
in
,
since
the
door
was
locked
?
I
made
inquiries
and
found
that
Rogojin
himself
could
not
possibly
have
come
in
,
because
all
our
doors
were
locked
for
the
night
.
"
Well
,
this
strange
circumstance
--
which
I
have
described
with
so
much
detail
--
was
the
ultimate
cause
which
led
me
to
taking
my
final
determination
.
So
that
no
logic
,
or
logical
deductions
,
had
anything
to
do
with
my
resolve
;
--
it
was
simply
a
matter
of
disgust
.
"
It
was
impossible
for
me
to
go
on
living
when
life
was
full
of
such
detestable
,
strange
,
tormenting
forms
.
This
ghost
had
humiliated
me
;
--
nor
could
I
bear
to
be
subordinate
to
that
dark
,
horrible
force
which
was
embodied
in
the
form
of
the
loathsome
insect
.
It
was
only
towards
evening
,
when
I
had
quite
made
up
my
mind
on
this
point
,
that
I
began
to
feel
easier
.
"
"
I
had
a
small
pocket
pistol
.
I
had
procured
it
while
still
a
boy
,
at
that
droll
age
when
the
stories
of
duels
and
highwaymen
begin
to
delight
one
,
and
when
one
imagines
oneself
nobly
standing
fire
at
some
future
day
,
in
a
duel
.
