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- Федор Достоевский
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"
At
moments
I
was
in
a
state
of
dreadful
weakness
and
misery
,
so
that
Colia
was
greatly
disturbed
when
he
left
me
.
"
When
I
arose
to
lock
the
door
after
him
,
I
suddenly
called
to
mind
a
picture
I
had
noticed
at
Rogojin
's
in
one
of
his
gloomiest
rooms
,
over
the
door
.
He
had
pointed
it
out
to
me
himself
as
we
walked
past
it
,
and
I
believe
I
must
have
stood
a
good
five
minutes
in
front
of
it
.
There
was
nothing
artistic
about
it
,
but
the
picture
made
me
feel
strangely
uncomfortable
.
It
represented
Christ
just
taken
down
from
the
cross
.
It
seems
to
me
that
painters
as
a
rule
represent
the
Saviour
,
both
on
the
cross
and
taken
down
from
it
,
with
great
beauty
still
upon
His
face
.
This
marvellous
beauty
they
strive
to
preserve
even
in
His
moments
of
deepest
agony
and
passion
.
But
there
was
no
such
beauty
in
Rogojin
's
picture
.
This
was
the
presentment
of
a
poor
mangled
body
which
had
evidently
suffered
unbearable
anguish
even
before
its
crucifixion
,
full
of
wounds
and
bruises
,
marks
of
the
violence
of
soldiers
and
people
,
and
of
the
bitterness
of
the
moment
when
He
had
fallen
with
the
cross
--
all
this
combined
with
the
anguish
of
the
actual
crucifixion
.
"
The
face
was
depicted
as
though
still
suffering
;
as
though
the
body
,
only
just
dead
,
was
still
almost
quivering
with
agony
.
The
picture
was
one
of
pure
nature
,
for
the
face
was
not
beautified
by
the
artist
,
but
was
left
as
it
would
naturally
be
,
whosoever
the
sufferer
,
after
such
anguish
.
"
I
know
that
the
earliest
Christian
faith
taught
that
the
Saviour
suffered
actually
and
not
figuratively
,
and
that
nature
was
allowed
her
own
way
even
while
His
body
was
on
the
cross
.
"
It
is
strange
to
look
on
this
dreadful
picture
of
the
mangled
corpse
of
the
Saviour
,
and
to
put
this
question
to
oneself
:
'
Supposing
that
the
disciples
,
the
future
apostles
,
the
women
who
had
followed
Him
and
stood
by
the
cross
,
all
of
whom
believed
in
and
worshipped
Him
--
supposing
that
they
saw
this
tortured
body
,
this
face
so
mangled
and
bleeding
and
bruised
(
and
they
must
have
so
seen
it
)
--
how
could
they
have
gazed
upon
the
dreadful
sight
and
yet
have
believed
that
He
would
rise
again
?
'
"
The
thought
steps
in
,
whether
one
likes
it
or
no
,
that
death
is
so
terrible
and
so
powerful
,
that
even
He
who
conquered
it
in
His
miracles
during
life
was
unable
to
triumph
over
it
at
the
last
.
He
who
called
to
Lazarus
,
'
Lazarus
,
come
forth
!
'
and
the
dead
man
lived
--
He
was
now
Himself
a
prey
to
nature
and
death
.
Nature
appears
to
one
,
looking
at
this
picture
,
as
some
huge
,
implacable
,
dumb
monster
;
or
still
better
--
a
stranger
simile
--
some
enormous
mechanical
engine
of
modern
days
which
has
seized
and
crushed
and
swallowed
up
a
great
and
invaluable
Being
,
a
Being
worth
nature
and
all
her
laws
,
worth
the
whole
earth
,
which
was
perhaps
created
merely
for
the
sake
of
the
advent
of
that
Being
.
"
This
blind
,
dumb
,
implacable
,
eternal
,
unreasoning
force
is
well
shown
in
the
picture
,
and
the
absolute
subordination
of
all
men
and
things
to
it
is
so
well
expressed
that
the
idea
unconsciously
arises
in
the
mind
of
anyone
who
looks
at
it
.
All
those
faithful
people
who
were
gazing
at
the
cross
and
its
mutilated
occupant
must
have
suffered
agony
of
mind
that
evening
;
for
they
must
have
felt
that
all
their
hopes
and
almost
all
their
faith
had
been
shattered
at
a
blow
.
They
must
have
separated
in
terror
and
dread
that
night
,
though
each
perhaps
carried
away
with
him
one
great
thought
which
was
never
eradicated
from
his
mind
for
ever
afterwards
.
If
this
great
Teacher
of
theirs
could
have
seen
Himself
after
the
Crucifixion
,
how
could
He
have
consented
to
mount
the
Cross
and
to
die
as
He
did
?
This
thought
also
comes
into
the
mind
of
the
man
who
gazes
at
this
picture
.
I
thought
of
all
this
by
snatches
probably
between
my
attacks
of
delirium
--
for
an
hour
and
a
half
or
so
before
Colia
's
departure
.
"
Can
there
be
an
appearance
of
that
which
has
no
form
?
And
yet
it
seemed
to
me
,
at
certain
moments
,
that
I
beheld
in
some
strange
and
impossible
form
,
that
dark
,
dumb
,
irresistibly
powerful
,
eternal
force
.
