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"'
Surely
not
to
throw
yourself
into
the
river
?
'
cried
Bachmatoff
in
alarm
.
Perhaps
he
read
my
thought
in
my
face
.
"'
No
,
not
yet
.
At
present
nothing
but
the
following
consideration
.
You
see
I
have
some
two
or
three
months
left
me
to
live
--
perhaps
four
;
well
,
supposing
that
when
I
have
but
a
month
or
two
more
,
I
take
a
fancy
for
some
"
good
deed
"
that
needs
both
trouble
and
time
,
like
this
business
of
our
doctor
friend
,
for
instance
:
why
,
I
shall
have
to
give
up
the
idea
of
it
and
take
to
something
else
--
some
little
good
deed
,
more
within
my
means
,
eh
?
Is
n't
that
an
amusing
idea
!
'
"
Poor
Bachmatoff
was
much
impressed
--
painfully
so
.
He
took
me
all
the
way
home
;
not
attempting
to
console
me
,
but
behaving
with
the
greatest
delicacy
.
On
taking
leave
he
pressed
my
hand
warmly
and
asked
permission
to
come
and
see
me
.
I
replied
that
if
he
came
to
me
as
a
'
comforter
,
'
so
to
speak
(
for
he
would
be
in
that
capacity
whether
he
spoke
to
me
in
a
soothing
manner
or
only
kept
silence
,
as
I
pointed
out
to
him
)
,
he
would
but
remind
me
each
time
of
my
approaching
death
!
He
shrugged
his
shoulders
,
but
quite
agreed
with
me
;
and
we
parted
better
friends
than
I
had
expected
.
"
But
that
evening
and
that
night
were
sown
the
first
seeds
of
my
'
last
conviction
.
'
I
seized
greedily
on
my
new
idea
;
I
thirstily
drank
in
all
its
different
aspects
(
I
did
not
sleep
a
wink
that
night
!
)
,
and
the
deeper
I
went
into
it
the
more
my
being
seemed
to
merge
itself
in
it
,
and
the
more
alarmed
I
became
.
A
dreadful
terror
came
over
me
at
last
,
and
did
not
leave
me
all
next
day
.
"
Sometimes
,
thinking
over
this
,
I
became
quite
numb
with
the
terror
of
it
;
and
I
might
well
have
deduced
from
this
fact
,
that
my
'
last
conviction
'
was
eating
into
my
being
too
fast
and
too
seriously
,
and
would
undoubtedly
come
to
its
climax
before
long
.
And
for
the
climax
I
needed
greater
determination
than
I
yet
possessed
.
"
However
,
within
three
weeks
my
determination
was
taken
,
owing
to
a
very
strange
circumstance
.
"
Here
on
my
paper
,
I
make
a
note
of
all
the
figures
and
dates
that
come
into
my
explanation
.
Of
course
,
it
is
all
the
same
to
me
,
but
just
now
--
and
perhaps
only
at
this
moment
--
I
desire
that
all
those
who
are
to
judge
of
my
action
should
see
clearly
out
of
how
logical
a
sequence
of
deductions
has
at
length
proceeded
my
'
last
conviction
.
'
"
I
have
said
above
that
the
determination
needed
by
me
for
the
accomplishment
of
my
final
resolve
,
came
to
hand
not
through
any
sequence
of
causes
,
but
thanks
to
a
certain
strange
circumstance
which
had
perhaps
no
connection
whatever
with
the
matter
at
issue
.
Ten
days
ago
Rogojin
called
upon
me
about
certain
business
of
his
own
with
which
I
have
nothing
to
do
at
present
.
I
had
never
seen
Rogojin
before
,
but
had
often
heard
about
him
.
"
I
gave
him
all
the
information
he
needed
,
and
he
very
soon
took
his
departure
;
so
that
,
since
he
only
came
for
the
purpose
of
gaining
the
information
,
the
matter
might
have
been
expected
to
end
there
.
