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- Федор Достоевский
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- Преступление и наказание
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- Стр. 436/453
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“
But
why
are
they
so
fond
of
me
if
I
don
’
t
deserve
it
?
Oh
,
if
only
I
were
alone
and
no
one
loved
me
and
I
too
had
never
loved
anyone
!
Nothing
of
all
this
would
have
happened
.
But
I
wonder
shall
I
in
those
fifteen
or
twenty
years
grow
so
meek
that
I
shall
humble
myself
before
people
and
whimper
at
every
word
that
I
am
a
criminal
?
Yes
,
that
’
s
it
,
that
’
s
it
,
that
’
s
what
they
are
sending
me
there
for
,
that
’
s
what
they
want
.
Look
at
them
running
to
and
fro
about
the
streets
,
every
one
of
them
a
scoundrel
and
a
criminal
at
heart
and
,
worse
still
,
an
idiot
.
But
try
to
get
me
off
and
they
’
d
be
wild
with
righteous
indignation
.
Oh
,
how
I
hate
them
all
!
”
He
fell
to
musing
by
what
process
it
could
come
to
pass
,
that
he
could
be
humbled
before
all
of
them
,
indiscriminately
—
humbled
by
conviction
.
And
yet
why
not
?
It
must
be
so
.
Would
not
twenty
years
of
continual
bondage
crush
him
utterly
?
Water
wears
out
a
stone
.
And
why
,
why
should
he
live
after
that
?
Why
should
he
go
now
when
he
knew
that
it
would
be
so
?
It
was
the
hundredth
time
perhaps
that
he
had
asked
himself
that
question
since
the
previous
evening
,
but
still
he
went
.
When
he
went
into
Sonia
’
s
room
,
it
was
already
getting
dark
.
All
day
Sonia
had
been
waiting
for
him
in
terrible
anxiety
.
Dounia
had
been
waiting
with
her
.
She
had
come
to
her
that
morning
,
remembering
Svidrigaïlov
’
s
words
that
Sonia
knew
.
We
will
not
describe
the
conversation
and
tears
of
the
two
girls
,
and
how
friendly
they
became
.
Dounia
gained
one
comfort
at
least
from
that
interview
,
that
her
brother
would
not
be
alone
.
He
had
gone
to
her
,
Sonia
,
first
with
his
confession
;
he
had
gone
to
her
for
human
fellowship
when
he
needed
it
;
she
would
go
with
him
wherever
fate
might
send
him
.
Dounia
did
not
ask
,
but
she
knew
it
was
so
.
She
looked
at
Sonia
almost
with
reverence
and
at
first
almost
embarrassed
her
by
it
.
Sonia
was
almost
on
the
point
of
tears
.
She
felt
herself
,
on
the
contrary
,
hardly
worthy
to
look
at
Dounia
.
Dounia
’
s
gracious
image
when
she
had
bowed
to
her
so
attentively
and
respectfully
at
their
first
meeting
in
Raskolnikov
’
s
room
had
remained
in
her
mind
as
one
of
the
fairest
visions
of
her
life
.
Dounia
at
last
became
impatient
and
,
leaving
Sonia
,
went
to
her
brother
’
s
room
to
await
him
there
;
she
kept
thinking
that
he
would
come
there
first
.
When
she
had
gone
,
Sonia
began
to
be
tortured
by
the
dread
of
his
committing
suicide
,
and
Dounia
too
feared
it
.
But
they
had
spent
the
day
trying
to
persuade
each
other
that
that
could
not
be
,
and
both
were
less
anxious
while
they
were
together
.
As
soon
as
they
parted
,
each
thought
of
nothing
else
.
Sonia
remembered
how
Svidrigaïlov
had
said
to
her
the
day
before
that
Raskolnikov
had
two
alternatives
—
Siberia
or
.
.
.
Besides
she
knew
his
vanity
,
his
pride
and
his
lack
of
faith
.
“
Is
it
possible
that
he
has
nothing
but
cowardice
and
fear
of
death
to
make
him
live
?
”
she
thought
at
last
in
despair
.
Meanwhile
the
sun
was
setting
.
Sonia
was
standing
in
dejection
,
looking
intently
out
of
the
window
,
but
from
it
she
could
see
nothing
but
the
unwhitewashed
blank
wall
of
the
next
house
.
At
last
when
she
began
to
feel
sure
of
his
death
—
he
walked
into
the
room
.
She
gave
a
cry
of
joy
,
but
looking
carefully
into
his
face
she
turned
pale
.
“
Yes
,
”
said
Raskolnikov
,
smiling
.
“
I
have
come
for
your
cross
,
Sonia
.
It
was
you
told
me
to
go
to
the
cross
-
roads
;
why
is
it
you
are
frightened
now
it
’
s
come
to
that
?
”
Sonia
gazed
at
him
astonished
.
His
tone
seemed
strange
to
her
;
a
cold
shiver
ran
over
her
,
but
in
a
moment
she
guessed
that
the
tone
and
the
words
were
a
mask
.
He
spoke
to
her
looking
away
,
as
though
to
avoid
meeting
her
eyes
.
