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The
defense
of
a
position
or
of
a
city
is
a
part
of
war
in
which
you
can
feel
that
first
sort
of
feeling
.
The
fighting
in
the
Sierras
had
been
that
way
.
They
had
fought
there
with
the
true
comradeship
of
the
revolution
.
Up
there
when
there
had
been
the
first
necessity
for
the
enforcement
of
discipline
he
had
approved
and
understood
it
.
Under
the
shelling
men
had
been
cowards
and
had
run
.
He
had
seen
them
shot
and
left
to
swell
beside
the
road
,
nobody
bothering
to
do
more
than
strip
them
of
their
cartridges
and
their
valuables
.
Taking
their
cartridges
,
their
boots
and
their
leather
coats
was
right
.
Taking
the
valuables
was
only
realistic
.
It
only
kept
the
anarchists
from
getting
them
.
It
had
seemed
just
and
right
and
necessary
that
the
men
who
ran
were
shot
.
There
was
nothing
wrong
about
it
.
Their
running
was
a
selfishness
.
The
fascists
had
attacked
and
we
had
stopped
them
on
that
slope
in
the
gray
rocks
,
the
scrub
pines
and
the
gorse
of
the
Guadarrama
hillsides
.
We
had
held
along
the
road
under
the
bombing
from
the
planes
and
the
shelling
when
they
brought
their
artillery
up
and
those
who
were
left
at
the
end
of
that
day
had
counterattacked
and
driven
them
back
.
Later
,
when
they
had
tried
to
come
down
on
the
left
,
sifting
down
between
the
rocks
and
through
the
trees
,
we
had
held
out
in
the
Sanitarium
firing
from
the
windows
and
the
roof
although
they
had
passed
it
on
both
sides
,
and
we
lived
through
knowing
what
it
was
to
be
surrounded
until
the
counterattack
had
cleared
them
back
behind
the
road
again
.
In
all
that
,
in
the
fear
that
dries
your
mouth
and
your
throat
,
in
the
smashed
plaster
dust
and
the
sudden
panic
of
a
wall
falling
,
collapsing
in
the
flash
and
roar
of
a
shellburst
,
clearing
the
gun
,
dragging
those
away
who
had
been
serving
it
,
lying
face
downward
and
covered
with
rubble
,
your
head
behind
the
shield
working
on
a
stoppage
,
getting
the
broken
case
out
,
straightening
the
belt
again
,
you
now
lying
straight
behind
the
shield
,
the
gun
searching
the
roadside
again
;
you
did
the
thing
there
was
to
do
and
knew
that
you
were
right
.
You
learned
the
dry
-
mouthed
,
fear
-
purged
,
purging
ecstasy
of
battle
and
you
fought
that
summer
and
that
fall
for
all
the
poor
in
the
world
,
against
all
tyranny
,
for
all
the
things
that
you
believed
and
for
the
new
world
you
had
been
educated
into
.
You
learned
that
fall
,
he
thought
,
how
to
endure
and
how
to
ignore
suffering
in
the
long
time
of
cold
and
wetness
,
of
mud
and
of
digging
and
fortifying
.
And
the
feeling
of
the
summer
and
the
fall
was
buried
deep
under
tiredness
,
sleepiness
,
and
nervousness
and
discomfort
.
But
it
was
still
there
and
all
that
you
went
through
only
served
to
validate
it
.
It
was
in
those
days
,
he
thought
,
that
you
had
a
deep
and
sound
and
selfless
pride
—
that
would
have
made
you
a
bloody
bore
at
Gaylord
’
s
,
he
thought
suddenly
.
No
,
you
would
not
have
been
so
good
at
Gaylord
’
s
then
,
he
thought
.
You
were
too
naïve
.
You
were
in
a
sort
of
state
of
grace
.
But
Gaylord
’
s
might
not
have
been
the
way
it
was
now
at
that
time
,
either
.
No
,
as
a
matter
of
fact
,
it
was
not
that
way
,
he
told
himself
.
It
was
not
that
way
at
all
.
There
was
not
any
Gaylord
’
s
then
.
Karkov
had
told
him
about
those
days
.
At
that
time
what
Russians
there
were
had
lived
at
the
Palace
Hotel
.
Robert
Jordan
had
known
none
of
them
then
.
That
was
before
the
firstpartizan
groups
had
been
formed
;
before
he
had
met
Kashkin
or
any
of
the
others
.
Kashkin
had
been
in
the
north
at
Irun
,
at
San
Sebastian
and
in
the
abortive
fighting
toward
Vitoria
.
He
had
not
arrived
in
Madrid
until
January
and
while
Robert
Jordan
had
fought
at
Carabanchel
and
at
Usera
in
those
three
days
when
they
stopped
the
right
wing
of
the
fascist
attack
on
Madrid
and
drove
the
Moors
and
the
Tercio
back
from
house
to
house
to
clear
that
battered
suburb
on
the
edge
of
the
gray
,
sun
-
baked
plateau
and
establish
a
line
of
defense
along
the
heights
that
would
protect
that
corner
of
the
city
,
Karkov
had
been
in
Madrid
.
Karkov
was
not
cynical
about
those
times
either
when
he
talked
.
Those
were
the
days
they
all
shared
when
everything
looked
lost
and
each
man
retained
now
,
better
than
any
citation
or
decoration
,
the
knowledge
of
just
how
he
would
act
when
everything
looked
lost
.
The
government
had
abandoned
the
city
,
taking
all
the
motor
cars
from
the
ministry
of
war
in
their
flight
and
old
Miaja
had
to
ride
down
to
inspect
his
defensive
positions
on
a
bicycle
.
Robert
Jordan
did
not
believe
that
one
.
He
could
not
see
Miaja
on
a
bicycle
even
in
his
most
patriotic
imagination
,
but
Karkov
said
it
was
true
.
But
then
he
had
written
it
for
Russian
papers
so
he
probably
wanted
to
believe
it
was
true
after
writing
it
.
But
there
was
another
story
that
Karkov
had
not
written
.
He
had
three
wounded
Russians
in
the
Palace
Hotel
for
whom
he
was
responsible
.
