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Me
:
Am
I
also
the
river
?
Mind
:
No
,
the
river
is
just
the
thoughts
.
Me
:
Stop
!
Please
stop
!
YOU
’
RE
MAKING
ME
CRAZY
!
!
!
Mind
(
wounded
)
:
Sorry
.
I
was
only
trying
to
help
.
Me
:
Om
Namah
Shivaya
…
Om
Namah
Shivaya
…
Om
Namah
Shivaya
…
Here
there
is
a
promising
eight
-
second
pause
in
thoughts
.
But
then
-
Mind
:
Are
you
mad
at
me
now
?
–
and
then
with
a
big
gasp
,
like
I
am
coming
up
for
air
,
my
mind
wins
,
my
eyes
fly
open
and
I
quit
.
In
tears
.
An
Ashram
is
supposed
to
be
a
place
where
you
come
to
deepen
your
meditation
,
but
this
is
a
disaster
.
The
pressure
is
too
much
for
me
.
I
can
’
t
do
it
.
But
what
should
I
do
?
Run
out
of
the
temple
crying
after
fourteen
minutes
,
every
day
?
This
morning
,
though
,
instead
of
fighting
it
,
I
just
stopped
.
I
gave
up
.
I
let
myself
slump
against
the
wall
behind
me
.
My
back
hurt
,
I
had
no
strength
,
my
mind
was
quivering
.
My
posture
collapsed
like
a
bridge
crumbling
down
.
I
took
the
mantra
off
the
top
of
my
head
(
where
it
had
been
pressing
down
on
me
like
an
invisible
anvil
)
and
set
it
on
the
floor
beside
me
.
And
then
I
said
to
God
,
"
I
’
m
really
sorry
,
but
this
is
the
closest
I
could
get
to
you
today
.
"
