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The
Lakota
Sioux
say
that
a
child
who
cannot
sit
still
is
a
half
-
developed
child
.
And
an
old
Sanskrit
text
says
,
"
By
certain
signs
you
can
tell
when
meditation
is
being
rightly
performed
.
One
of
them
is
that
a
bird
will
sit
on
your
head
,
thinking
you
are
an
inert
thing
.
"
This
has
not
exactly
happened
to
me
yet
.
But
for
the
next
forty
minutes
or
so
,
I
tried
to
stay
as
quiet
as
possible
,
trapped
in
that
meditation
hall
and
ensnared
in
my
own
shame
and
inadequacy
,
watching
the
devotees
around
me
as
they
sat
in
their
perfect
postures
,
their
perfect
eyes
closed
,
their
smug
faces
emanating
calmness
as
they
surely
transported
themselves
into
some
perfect
heaven
.
I
was
full
of
a
hot
,
powerful
sadness
and
would
have
loved
to
burst
into
the
comfort
of
tears
,
but
tried
hard
not
to
,
remembering
something
my
Guru
once
said
-
that
you
should
never
give
yourself
a
chance
to
fall
apart
because
,
when
you
do
,
it
becomes
a
tendency
and
it
happens
over
and
over
again
.
You
must
practice
staying
strong
,
instead
.
But
I
didn
’
t
feel
strong
.
My
body
ached
in
diminished
worthlessness
.
I
wondered
who
is
the
"
me
"
when
I
am
conversing
with
my
mind
,
and
who
is
the
"
mind
"
I
thought
about
the
relentless
thought
-
processing
,
soul
-
devouring
machine
that
is
my
brain
,
and
wondered
how
on
earth
I
was
ever
going
to
master
it
.
Then
I
remembered
that
line
from
Jaws
and
couldn
’
t
help
smiling
:
"
We
’
re
gonna
need
a
bigger
boat
.
"
Dinnertime
.
I
’
m
sitting
alone
,
trying
to
eat
slowly
.
My
Guru
is
always
encouraging
us
to
practice
discipline
when
it
comes
to
eating
.
She
encourages
us
to
eat
in
moderation
and
without
desperate
gulps
,
to
not
extinguish
the
sacred
fires
of
our
bodies
by
dumping
too
much
food
into
our
digestive
tracts
too
fast
.
(
My
Guru
,
I
’
m
fairly
certain
,
has
never
been
to
Naples
.
)
When
students
come
to
her
complaining
that
they
’
re
having
trouble
meditating
,
she
always
asks
how
their
digestion
has
been
lately
.
It
only
stands
to
reason
that
you
’
ll
have
trouble
gliding
lightly
into
transcendence
when
your
guts
are
struggling
to
churn
through
a
sausage
calzone
,
a
pound
of
buffalo
wings
and
half
a
coconut
cream
pie
.
Which
is
why
they
don
’
t
serve
that
kind
of
stuff
here
.
The
food
at
the
Ashram
is
vegetarian
,
light
and
healthy
.
But
still
delicious
.
Which
is
why
it
’
s
difficult
for
me
not
to
wolf
it
down
like
a
starving
orphan
.
Plus
,
meals
are
served
buffet
-
style
,
and
it
never
has
been
easy
for
me
to
resist
taking
a
second
or
third
turn
at
-
bat
when
beautiful
food
is
just
lying
out
there
in
the
open
,
smelling
good
and
costing
nothing
.
So
I
’
m
sitting
at
the
dinner
table
all
by
myself
,
making
an
effort
to
restrain
my
fork
,
when
I
see
a
man
walk
over
with
his
dinner
tray
,
looking
for
an
open
chair
.
I
nod
to
him
that
he
is
welcome
to
join
me
.
I
haven
’
t
seen
this
guy
around
here
yet
.
He
must
be
a
new
arrival
.
The
stranger
’
s
got
a
cool
,
ain
’
t
-
no
-
big
-
hurry
kind
of
walk
,
and
he
moves
with
the
authority
of
a
border
town
sheriff
,
or
maybe
a
lifelong
high
-
rolling
poker
player
He
looks
like
he
’
s
in
his
fifties
,
but
walks
like
he
’
s
lived
a
few
centuries
longer
than
that
.
He
’
s
got
white
hair
and
a
white
beard
and
a
plaid
flannel
shirt
.
Wide
shoulders
and
giant
hands
that
look
like
they
could
do
some
damage
,
but
a
totally
relaxed
face
.
He
sits
down
across
from
me
and
drawls
,
"
Man
,
they
got
mosquitoes
’
round
this
place
big
enough
to
rape
a
chicken
.
"
Ladies
and
Gentlemen
,
Richard
from
Texas
has
arrived
.
