Reedle Откройте в мобильном приложении
Понятно
Понятно
Для того чтобы воспользоваться закладками, необходимо
Войти или зарегистрироваться
Отмена
Для того чтобы воспользоваться озвучкой предложений, необходимо
Войти или зарегистрироваться
Отмена
Озвучка предложений доступна при наличии PRO-доступа
Купить PRO-доступ
Отмена
491
The
other
alternative
in
the
backs
of
our
minds
,
of
course
,
was
that
one
of
us
might
change
.
He
might
become
more
open
and
affectionate
,
not
withholding
himself
from
anyone
who
loves
him
on
the
fear
that
she
will
eat
his
soul
.
Or
I
might
learn
how
to
stop
trying
to
eat
his
soul
.
492
So
many
times
I
had
wished
with
David
that
I
could
behave
more
like
my
mother
does
in
her
marriage
-
independent
,
strong
,
self
-
sufficient
.
A
self
-
feeder
.
493
Able
to
exist
without
regular
doses
of
romance
or
flattery
from
my
solitary
farmer
of
a
father
.
Able
to
cheerfully
plant
gardens
of
daisies
among
the
inexplicable
stone
walls
of
silence
that
my
dad
sometimes
builds
up
around
himself
.
My
dad
is
quite
simply
my
favorite
person
in
the
world
,
but
he
is
a
bit
of
an
odd
case
.
An
ex
-
boyfriend
of
mine
once
described
him
this
way
:
"
Your
father
only
has
one
foot
on
this
earth
.
And
really
,
really
long
legs
"
Отключить рекламу
494
What
I
grew
up
watching
in
my
household
was
a
mother
who
would
receive
her
husband
s
love
and
affection
whenever
he
thought
to
offer
it
,
but
would
then
step
aside
and
take
care
of
herself
whenever
he
drifted
off
into
his
own
peculiar
universe
of
low
-
grade
oblivious
neglect
.
This
is
how
it
looked
to
me
,
anyway
,
taking
into
account
that
nobody
(
and
especially
not
the
children
)
ever
knows
the
secrets
of
a
marriage
.
What
I
believed
I
grew
up
seeing
was
a
mother
who
asked
nothing
of
anybody
.
This
was
my
mom
,
after
all
-
a
woman
who
had
taught
herself
how
to
swim
as
an
adolescent
,
alone
in
a
cold
Minnesota
lake
,
with
a
book
she
d
borrowed
from
the
local
library
entitled
How
to
Swim
.
To
my
eye
,
there
was
nothing
this
woman
could
not
do
on
her
own
.
495
But
then
I
d
had
a
revelatory
conversation
with
my
mother
,
not
long
before
I
d
left
for
Rome
.
She
d
come
into
New
York
to
have
one
last
lunch
with
me
,
and
she
d
asked
me
frankly
-
breaking
all
the
rules
of
communication
in
our
family
s
history
-
what
had
happened
between
me
and
David
.
Further
disregarding
the
Gilbert
Family
Standard
Communications
Rule
-
book
,
I
actually
told
her
.
I
told
her
everything
.
496
I
told
her
how
much
I
loved
David
,
but
how
lonely
and
heartsick
it
made
me
to
be
with
this
person
who
was
always
disappearing
from
the
room
,
from
the
bed
,
from
the
planet
.
497
"
He
sounds
kind
of
like
your
father
,
"
she
said
.
A
brave
and
generous
admission
.
Отключить рекламу
498
"
The
problem
is
,
"
I
said
,
"
I
m
not
like
my
mother
.
I
m
not
as
tough
as
you
,
Mom
.
There
s
a
constant
level
of
closeness
that
I
really
need
from
the
person
I
love
.
I
wish
I
could
be
more
like
you
,
then
I
could
have
this
love
story
with
David
.
But
it
just
destroys
me
to
not
be
able
to
count
on
that
affection
when
I
need
it
.
"
499
Then
my
mother
shocked
me
.
She
said
,
"
All
those
things
that
you
want
from
your
relationship
,
Liz
?
I
have
always
wanted
those
things
,
too
.
"
500
In
that
moment
,
it
was
as
if
my
strong
mother
reached
across
the
table
,
opened
her
fist
and
finally
showed
me
the
handful
of
bullets
she
d
had
to
bite
over
the
decades
in
order
to
stay
happily
married
(
and
she
is
happily
married
,
all
considerations
weighed
)
to
my
father
.
I
had
never
seen
this
side
of
her
before
,
not
ever
.
I
had
never
imagined
what
she
might
have
wanted
,
what
she
might
have
been
missing
,
what
she
might
have
decided
not
to
fight
for
in
the
larger
scheme
of
things
.
Seeing
all
this
,
I
could
feel
my
worldview
start
to
make
a
radical
shift
.