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Believe
me
,
I
am
conscious
of
the
irony
of
going
to
Italy
in
pursuit
of
pleasure
during
a
period
of
self
-
imposed
celibacy
.
But
I
do
think
abstinence
is
the
right
thing
for
me
at
the
moment
.
I
was
especially
sure
of
it
the
night
I
could
hear
my
upstairs
neighbor
(
a
very
pretty
Italian
girl
with
an
amazing
collection
of
high
-
heeled
boots
)
having
the
longest
,
loudest
,
flesh
-
smackingest
,
bed
-
thumpingest
,
back
-
breakingest
session
of
lovemaking
I
’
d
ever
heard
,
in
the
company
of
the
latest
lucky
visitor
to
her
apartment
.
This
slam
-
dance
went
on
for
well
over
an
hour
,
complete
with
hyperventilating
sound
effects
and
wild
animal
calls
.
I
lay
there
only
one
floor
below
them
,
alone
and
tired
in
my
bed
,
and
all
I
could
think
was
,
That
sounds
like
an
awful
lot
of
work
…
Of
course
sometimes
I
really
do
become
overcome
with
lust
.
I
walk
past
an
average
of
about
a
dozen
Italian
men
a
day
whom
I
could
easily
imagine
in
my
bed
.
Or
in
theirs
.
Or
wherever
.
To
my
taste
,
the
men
in
Rome
are
ridiculously
,
hurtfully
,
stupidly
beautiful
.
More
beautiful
even
than
Roman
women
,
to
be
honest
.
Italian
men
are
beautiful
in
the
same
way
as
French
women
,
which
is
to
say
-
no
detail
spared
in
the
quest
for
perfection
.
They
’
re
like
show
poodles
.
Sometimes
they
look
so
good
I
want
to
applaud
.
The
men
here
,
in
their
beauty
,
force
me
to
call
upon
romance
novel
rhapsodies
in
order
to
describe
them
.
They
are
"
devilishly
attractive
,
"
or
"
cruelly
handsome
,
"
or
"
surprisingly
muscular
.
"
However
,
if
I
may
admit
something
not
entirely
flattering
to
myself
,
these
Romans
on
the
street
aren
’
t
really
giving
me
any
second
looks
.
Or
even
many
first
looks
,
for
that
matter
.
I
found
this
kind
of
alarming
at
first
.
I
’
d
been
to
Italy
once
before
,
back
when
I
was
nineteen
,
and
what
I
remember
is
being
constantly
harassed
by
men
on
the
street
.
And
in
the
pizzerias
.
And
at
the
movies
.
And
in
the
Vatican
.
It
was
endless
and
awful
.
It
used
to
be
a
real
liability
about
traveling
in
Italy
,
something
that
could
almost
even
spoil
your
appetite
.
Now
,
at
the
age
of
thirty
-
four
,
I
am
apparently
invisible
.
Sure
,
sometimes
a
man
will
speak
to
me
in
a
friendly
way
,
"
You
look
beautiful
today
,
signorina
,
"
but
it
’
s
not
all
that
common
and
it
never
gets
aggressive
.
And
while
it
’
s
certainly
nice
,
of
course
,
to
not
get
pawed
by
a
disgusting
stranger
on
the
bus
,
one
does
have
one
’
s
feminine
pride
,
and
one
must
wonder
,
What
has
changed
here
?
Is
it
me
?
Or
is
it
them
?
So
I
ask
around
,
and
everybody
agrees
that
,
yes
,
there
’
s
been
a
true
shift
in
Italy
in
the
last
ten
to
fifteen
years
.
Maybe
it
’
s
a
victory
of
feminism
,
or
an
evolution
of
culture
,
or
the
inevitable
modernizing
effects
of
having
joined
the
European
Union
.
Or
maybe
it
’
s
just
simple
embarrassment
on
the
part
of
young
men
about
the
infamous
lewdness
of
their
fathers
and
grandfathers
.
Whatever
the
cause
,
though
,
it
seems
that
Italy
has
decided
as
a
society
that
this
sort
of
stalking
,
pestering
behavior
toward
women
is
no
longer
acceptable
.
Not
even
my
lovely
young
friend
Sofie
gets
harassed
on
the
streets
,
and
those
milkmaid
-
looking
Swedish
girls
used
to
really
get
the
worst
of
it
.
In
conclusion
-
it
seems
Italian
men
have
earned
themselves
the
Most
Improved
Award
.
Which
is
a
relief
,
because
for
a
while
there
I
was
afraid
it
was
me
.
I
mean
,
I
was
afraid
maybe
I
wasn
’
t
getting
any
attention
because
I
was
no
longer
nineteen
years
old
and
pretty
I
was
afraid
that
maybe
my
friend
Scott
was
correct
last
summer
when
he
said
,
"
Ah
,
don
’
t
worry
,
Liz
-
those
Italian
guys
won
’
t
bother
you
anymore
.
It
ain
’
t
like
France
,
where
they
dig
the
old
babes
.
"
Yesterday
afternoon
I
went
to
the
soccer
game
with
Luca
Spaghetti
and
his
friends
.
We
were
there
to
watch
Lazio
play
.
There
are
two
soccer
teams
in
Rome
-
Lazio
and
Roma
.
The
rivalry
between
the
teams
and
their
fans
is
immense
,
and
can
divide
otherwise
happy
families
and
peaceful
neighborhoods
into
civil
war
zones
.
It
’
s
important
that
you
choose
early
in
life
whether
you
are
a
Lazio
fan
or
a
Roma
fan
,
because
this
will
determine
,
to
a
large
part
,
whom
you
hang
out
with
every
Sunday
afternoon
for
the
rest
of
time
.
