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- Джозеф Хеллер
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- Уловка 22
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"
When
you
tell
Nately
I
’
m
all
right
…
"
said
Yossarian
to
McWatt
,
and
lost
consciousness
again
as
everything
went
fuzzy
behind
a
film
of
strawberry
-
strained
gelatin
and
a
great
baritone
buzz
swallowed
him
in
sound
.
He
came
to
in
the
ambulance
and
smiled
encouragement
at
Doc
Daneeka
’
s
weevil
-
like
,
glum
and
overshadowed
countenance
for
the
dizzy
second
or
two
he
had
before
everything
went
rose
-
petal
pink
again
and
then
turned
really
black
and
unfathomably
still
.
Yossarian
woke
up
in
the
hospital
and
went
to
sleep
.
When
he
woke
up
in
the
hospital
again
,
the
smell
of
ether
was
gone
and
Dunbar
was
lying
in
pajamas
in
the
bed
across
the
aisle
maintaining
that
he
was
not
Dunbar
but
a
fortiori
.
Yossarian
thought
he
was
cracked
.
He
curled
his
lip
skeptically
at
Dunbar
’
s
bit
of
news
and
slept
on
it
fitfully
for
a
day
or
two
,
then
woke
up
while
the
nurses
were
elsewhere
and
eased
himself
out
of
bed
to
see
for
himself
.
The
floor
swayed
like
the
floating
raft
at
the
beach
and
the
stitches
on
the
inside
of
his
thigh
bit
into
his
flesh
like
fine
sets
of
fish
teeth
as
he
limped
across
the
aisle
to
peruse
the
name
on
the
temperature
card
on
the
foot
of
Dunbar
’
s
bed
,
but
sure
enough
,
Dunbar
was
right
:
he
was
not
Dunbar
any
more
but
Second
Lieutenant
Anthony
F
.
Fortiori
.
"
What
the
hell
’
s
going
on
?
"
A
.
Fortiori
got
out
of
bed
and
motioned
to
Yossarian
to
follow
.
Grasping
for
support
at
anything
he
could
reach
,
Yossarian
limped
along
after
him
into
the
corridor
and
down
the
adjacent
ward
to
a
bed
containing
a
harried
young
man
with
pimples
and
a
receding
chin
.
The
harried
young
man
rose
on
one
elbow
with
alacrity
as
they
approached
.
A
.
Fortiori
jerked
his
thumb
over
his
shoulder
and
said
,
"
Screw
.
"
The
harried
young
man
jumped
out
of
bed
and
ran
away
.
A
.
Fortiori
climbed
into
the
bed
and
became
Dunbar
again
.
"
That
was
A
.
Fortiori
,
"
Dunbar
explained
.
"
They
didn
’
t
have
an
empty
bed
in
your
ward
,
so
I
pulled
my
rank
and
chased
him
back
here
into
mine
.
It
’
s
a
pretty
satisfying
experience
pulling
rank
.
You
ought
to
try
it
sometime
.
You
ought
to
try
it
right
now
,
in
fact
,
because
you
look
like
you
’
re
going
to
fall
down
.
"
Yossarian
felt
like
he
was
going
to
fall
down
.
He
turned
to
the
lantern
jawed
,
leather
-
faced
middle
-
aged
man
lying
in
the
bed
next
to
Dunbar
’
s
,
jerked
his
thumb
over
his
shoulder
and
said
"
Screw
.
"
The
middle
-
aged
man
stiffened
fiercely
and
glared
.
"
He
’
s
a
major
,
"
Dunbar
explained
.
"
Why
don
’
t
you
aim
a
little
lower
and
try
becoming
Warrant
Officer
Homer
Lumley
for
a
while
?
Then
you
can
have
a
father
in
the
state
legislature
and
a
sister
who
’
s
engaged
to
a
champion
skier
.
Just
tell
him
you
’
re
a
captain
.
"
Yossarian
turned
to
the
startled
patient
Dunbar
had
indicated
.
"
I
’
m
a
captain
,
"
he
said
,
jerking
his
thumb
over
his
shoulder
.
"
Screw
.
"
The
startled
patient
jumped
down
to
the
floor
at
Yossarian
’
s
command
and
ran
away
.
Yossarian
climbed
up
into
his
bed
and
became
Warrant
Officer
Homer
Lumley
,
who
felt
like
vomiting
and
was
covered
suddenly
with
a
clammy
sweat
.
He
slept
for
an
hour
and
wanted
to
be
Yossarian
again
.
It
did
not
mean
so
much
to
have
a
father
in
the
state
legislature
and
a
sister
who
was
engaged
to
a
champion
skier
.
Dunbar
led
the
way
back
to
Yossarian
’
s
ward
,
where
he
thumbed
A
.
Fortiori
out
of
bed
to
become
Dunbar
again
for
a
while
.
There
was
no
sign
of
Warrant
Officer
Homer
Lumley
.
Nurse
Cramer
was
there
,
though
,
and
sizzled
with
sanctimonious
anger
like
a
damp
firecracker
.
She
ordered
Yossarian
to
get
right
back
into
his
bed
and
blocked
his
path
so
he
couldn
’
t
comply
.
Her
pretty
face
was
more
repulsive
than
ever
.
Nurse
Cramer
was
a
good
-
hearted
,
sentimental
creature
who
rejoiced
unselfishly
at
news
of
weddings
,
engagements
,
births
and
anniversaries
even
though
she
was
unacquainted
with
any
of
the
people
involved
.
"
Are
you
crazy
?
"
she
scolded
virtuously
,
shaking
an
indignant
finger
in
front
of
his
eyes
.
"
I
suppose
you
just
don
’
t
care
if
you
kill
yourself
,
do
you
?
"
"
It
’
s
my
self
,
"
he
reminded
her
.
"
I
suppose
you
just
don
’
t
care
if
you
lose
your
leg
,
do
you
?
"
