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- Джозеф Хеллер
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"
You
’
re
only
a
captain
,
you
know
,
"
Colonel
Cathcart
continued
,
paying
no
attention
to
the
chaplain
’
s
remark
.
"
You
may
be
a
professional
man
,
but
you
’
re
still
only
a
captain
.
"
"
Yes
,
sir
.
I
know
.
"
"
That
’
s
fine
,
then
.
It
’
s
just
as
well
you
didn
’
t
laugh
before
.
I
wouldn
’
t
have
given
you
the
plum
tomatoes
anyway
.
Corporal
Whitcomb
tells
me
you
took
a
plum
tomato
when
you
were
in
here
this
morning
.
"
"
This
morning
?
But
,
sir
!
You
gave
it
to
me
.
"
Colonel
Cathcart
cocked
his
head
with
suspicion
.
"
I
didn
’
t
say
I
didn
’
t
give
it
to
you
,
did
I
?
I
merely
said
you
took
it
.
I
don
’
t
see
why
you
’
ve
got
such
a
guilty
conscience
if
you
really
didn
’
t
steal
it
.
Did
I
give
it
to
you
?
"
"
Yes
,
sir
.
I
swear
you
did
.
"
"
Then
I
’
ll
just
have
to
take
your
word
for
it
.
Although
I
can
’
t
imagine
why
I
’
d
want
to
give
you
a
plum
tomato
.
"
Colonel
Cathcart
transferred
a
round
glass
paperweight
competently
from
the
right
edge
of
his
desk
to
the
left
edge
and
picked
up
a
sharpened
pencil
.
"
Okay
.
Chaplain
,
I
’
ve
got
a
lot
of
important
work
to
do
now
if
you
’
re
through
.
You
let
me
know
when
Corporal
Whitcomb
has
sent
out
about
a
dozen
of
those
letters
and
we
’
ll
get
in
touch
with
the
editors
of
The
Saturday
Evening
Post
.
"
A
sudden
inspiration
made
his
face
brighten
.
"
Say
!
I
think
I
’
ll
volunteer
the
group
for
Avignon
again
.
That
should
speed
things
up
!
"
"
For
Avignon
?
"
The
chaplain
’
s
heart
missed
a
beat
,
and
all
his
flesh
began
to
prickle
and
creep
.
"
That
’
s
right
,
"
the
colonel
explained
exuberantly
.
"
The
sooner
we
get
some
casualties
,
the
sooner
we
can
make
some
progress
on
this
.
I
’
d
like
to
get
in
the
Christmas
issue
if
we
can
.
I
imagine
the
circulation
is
higher
then
.
"
And
to
the
chaplain
’
s
horror
,
the
colonel
lifted
the
phone
to
volunteer
the
group
for
Avignon
and
tried
to
kick
him
out
of
the
officers
"
club
again
that
very
same
night
a
moment
before
Yossarian
rose
up
drunkenly
,
knocking
over
his
chair
,
to
start
an
avenging
punch
that
made
Nately
call
out
his
name
and
made
Colonel
Cathcart
blanch
and
retreat
prudently
smack
into
General
Dreedle
,
who
shoved
him
off
his
bruised
foot
disgustedly
and
order
him
forward
to
kick
the
chaplain
right
back
into
the
officers
"
club
.
It
was
all
very
upsetting
to
Colonel
Cathcart
,
first
the
dreaded
name
Yossarian
!
tolling
out
again
clearly
like
a
warning
of
doom
and
then
General
Dreedle
’
s
bruised
foot
,
and
that
was
another
fault
Colonel
Cathcart
found
in
the
chaplain
,
the
fact
that
it
was
impossible
to
predict
how
General
Dreedle
would
react
each
time
he
saw
him
.
Colonel
Cathcart
would
never
forget
the
first
evening
General
Dreedle
took
notice
of
the
chaplain
in
the
officers
"
club
,
lifting
his
ruddy
,
sweltering
,
intoxicated
face
to
stare
ponderously
through
the
yellow
pall
of
cigarette
smoke
at
the
chaplain
lurking
near
the
wall
by
himself
.
