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- Джозеф Хеллер
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- Уловка 22
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"
They
are
no
such
thing
!
"
Milo
retorted
furiously
.
"
Those
planes
belong
to
the
syndicate
,
and
everybody
has
a
share
.
Confiscate
?
How
can
you
possibly
confiscate
your
own
private
property
?
Confiscate
,
indeed
!
I
’
ve
never
heard
anything
so
depraved
in
my
whole
life
.
"
And
sure
enough
,
Milo
was
right
,
for
when
they
looked
,
his
mechanics
had
painted
out
the
German
swastikas
on
the
wings
,
tails
and
fuselages
with
double
coats
of
flat
white
and
stenciled
in
the
words
M
&
M
ENTERPRISES
,
FINE
FRUITS
AND
PRODUCE
.
Right
before
their
eyes
he
had
transformed
his
syndicate
into
an
international
cartel
.
Milo
’
s
argosies
of
plenty
now
filled
the
air
.
Planes
poured
in
from
Norway
,
Denmark
,
France
,
Germany
,
Austria
,
Italy
,
Yugoslavia
,
Romania
,
Bulgaria
,
Sweden
,
Finland
,
Poland
—
from
everywhere
in
Europe
,
in
fact
,
but
Russia
,
with
whom
Milo
refused
to
do
business
.
When
everybody
who
was
going
to
had
signed
up
with
M
&
M
Enterprises
,
Fine
Fruits
and
Produce
,
Milo
created
a
wholly
owned
subsidiary
,
M
&
M
Fancy
Pastry
,
and
obtained
more
airplanes
and
more
money
from
the
mess
funds
for
scones
and
crumpets
from
the
British
Isles
,
prune
and
cheese
Danish
from
Copenhagen
,
éclairs
,
cream
puffs
,
Napoleons
and
petits
fours
from
Paris
,
Reims
and
Grenoble
,
Kugelhopf
,
pumpernickel
and
Pfefferkuchen
from
Berlin
,
Linzer
and
Dobos
Torten
from
Vienna
,
Strudel
from
Hungary
and
baklava
from
Ankara
.
Each
morning
Milo
sent
planes
aloft
all
over
Europe
and
North
Africa
hauling
long
red
tow
signs
advertising
the
day
’
s
specials
in
large
square
letters
:
"
EYEROUND
,
79
¢
…
WHITING
,
21
¢
.
"
He
boosted
cash
income
for
the
syndicate
by
leasing
tow
signs
to
Pet
Milk
,
Gaines
Dog
Food
,
and
Noxzema
.
In
a
spirit
of
civic
enterprise
,
he
regularly
allotted
a
certain
amount
of
free
aerial
advertising
space
to
General
Peckem
for
the
propagation
of
such
messages
in
the
public
interest
as
NEATNESS
COUNTS
,
HASTE
MAKES
WASTE
,
and
THE
FAMILY
THAT
PRAYS
TOGETHER
STAYS
TOGETHER
.
Milo
purchased
spot
radio
announcements
on
Axis
Sally
’
s
and
Lord
Haw
Haw
’
s
daily
propaganda
broadcasts
from
Berlin
to
keep
things
moving
.
Business
boomed
on
every
battlefront
.
Milo
’
s
planes
were
a
familiar
sight
.
They
had
freedom
of
passage
everywhere
,
and
one
day
Milo
contracted
with
the
American
military
authorities
to
bomb
the
German
-
held
highway
bridge
at
Orvieto
and
with
the
German
military
authorities
to
defend
the
highway
bridge
at
Orvieto
with
antiaircraft
fire
against
his
own
attack
.
His
fee
for
attacking
the
bridge
for
America
was
the
total
cost
of
the
operation
plus
six
per
cent
and
his
fee
from
Germany
for
defending
the
bridge
was
the
same
cost
-
plus
-
six
agreement
augmented
by
a
merit
bonus
of
a
thousand
dollars
for
every
American
plane
he
shot
down
.
The
consummation
of
these
deals
represented
an
important
victory
for
private
enterprise
,
he
pointed
out
,
since
the
armies
of
both
countries
were
socialized
institutions
.
Once
the
contracts
were
signed
,
there
seemed
to
be
no
point
in
using
the
resources
of
the
syndicate
to
bomb
and
defend
the
bridge
,
inasmuch
as
both
governments
had
ample
men
and
material
right
there
to
do
so
and
were
perfectly
happy
to
contribute
them
,
and
in
the
end
Milo
realized
a
fantastic
profit
from
both
halves
of
his
project
for
doing
nothing
more
than
signing
his
name
twice
.
The
arrangements
were
fair
to
both
sides
.
Since
Milo
did
have
freedom
of
passage
everywhere
,
his
planes
were
able
to
steal
over
in
a
sneak
attack
without
alerting
the
German
antiaircraft
gunners
;
and
since
Milo
knew
about
the
attack
,
he
was
able
to
alert
the
German
antiaircraft
gunners
in
sufficient
time
for
them
to
begin
firing
accurately
the
moment
the
planes
came
into
range
.
It
was
an
ideal
arrangement
for
everyone
but
the
dead
man
in
Yossarian
’
s
tent
,
who
was
killed
over
the
target
the
day
he
arrived
.
"
I
didn
’
t
kill
him
!
"
Milo
kept
replying
passionately
to
Yossarian
’
s
angry
protest
.
"
I
wasn
’
t
even
there
that
day
,
I
tell
you
.
Do
you
think
I
was
down
there
on
the
ground
firing
an
antiaircraft
gun
when
the
planes
came
over
?
"
"
But
you
organized
the
whole
thing
,
didn
’
t
you
?
"
Yossarian
shouted
back
at
him
in
the
velvet
darkness
cloaking
the
path
leading
past
the
still
vehicles
of
the
motor
pool
to
the
open
-
air
movie
theater
.
"
And
I
didn
’
t
organize
anything
,
"
Milo
answered
indignantly
,
drawing
great
agitated
sniffs
of
air
in
through
his
hissing
,
pale
,
twitching
nose
.
