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- Джозеф Хеллер
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"
But
I
’
m
not
lying
!
"
protested
the
chaplain
.
"
I
don
’
t
see
why
you
have
to
shout
at
me
,
"
Corporal
Whitcomb
retorted
with
an
injured
look
.
He
came
away
from
the
center
pole
and
shook
his
finger
at
the
chaplain
for
emphasis
.
"
I
just
did
you
the
biggest
favor
anybody
ever
did
you
in
your
whole
life
,
and
you
don
’
t
even
realize
it
.
Every
time
he
tries
to
report
you
to
his
superiors
,
somebody
up
at
the
hospital
censors
out
the
details
.
He
’
s
been
going
batty
for
weeks
trying
to
turn
you
in
.
I
just
put
a
censor
’
s
okay
on
his
letter
without
even
reading
it
.
That
will
make
a
very
good
impression
for
you
up
at
C
.
I
.
D
.
headquarters
.
It
will
let
them
know
that
we
’
re
not
the
least
bit
afraid
to
have
the
whole
truth
about
you
come
out
.
"
The
chaplain
was
reeling
with
confusion
.
"
But
you
aren
’
t
authorized
to
censor
letters
,
are
you
?
"
"
Of
course
not
,
"
Corporal
Whitcomb
answered
.
"
Only
officers
are
ever
authorized
to
do
that
.
I
censored
it
in
your
name
.
"
"
But
I
’
m
not
authorized
to
censor
letters
either
.
Am
I
?
"
"
I
took
care
of
that
for
you
,
too
,
"
Corporal
Whitcomb
assured
him
.
"
I
signed
somebody
else
’
s
name
for
you
.
"
"
Isn
’
t
that
forgery
?
"
"
Oh
,
don
’
t
worry
about
that
either
.
The
only
one
who
might
complain
in
a
case
of
forgery
is
the
person
whose
name
you
forged
,
and
I
looked
out
for
your
interests
by
picking
a
dead
man
.
I
used
Washington
Irving
’
s
name
.
"
Corporal
Whitcomb
scrutinized
the
chaplain
’
s
face
closely
for
some
sign
of
rebellion
and
then
breezed
ahead
confidently
with
concealed
irony
.
"
That
was
pretty
quick
thinking
on
my
part
,
wasn
’
t
it
?
"
"
I
don
’
t
know
,
"
the
chaplain
wailed
softly
in
a
quavering
voice
,
squinting
with
grotesque
contortions
of
anguish
and
incomprehension
.
"
I
don
’
t
think
I
understand
all
you
’
ve
been
telling
me
.
How
will
it
make
a
good
impression
for
me
if
you
signed
Washington
Irving
’
s
name
instead
of
my
own
?
"
