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- Джозеф Хеллер
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- Уловка 22
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"
I
see
everything
twice
!
"
A
nurse
screamed
and
an
orderly
fainted
.
Doctors
came
running
up
from
every
direction
with
needles
,
lights
,
tubes
,
rubber
mallets
and
oscillating
metal
tines
.
They
rolled
up
complicated
instruments
on
wheels
.
There
was
not
enough
of
the
patient
to
go
around
,
and
specialists
pushed
forward
in
line
with
raw
tempers
and
snapped
at
their
colleagues
in
front
to
hurry
up
and
give
somebody
else
a
chance
.
A
colonel
with
a
large
forehead
and
horn
-
rimmed
glasses
soon
arrived
at
a
diagnosis
.
"
It
’
s
meningitis
,
"
he
called
out
emphatically
,
waving
the
others
back
.
"
Although
Lord
knows
there
’
s
not
the
slightest
reason
for
thinking
so
.
"
"
Then
why
pick
meningitis
?
"
inquired
a
major
with
a
suave
chuckle
.
"
Why
not
,
let
’
s
say
,
acute
nephritis
?
"
"
Because
I
’
m
a
meningitis
man
,
that
’
s
why
,
and
not
an
acute
-
nephritis
man
,
"
retorted
the
colonel
.
"
And
I
’
m
not
going
to
give
him
up
to
any
of
you
kidney
birds
without
a
struggle
.
I
was
here
first
.
"
In
the
end
,
the
doctors
were
all
in
accord
.
They
agreed
they
had
no
idea
what
was
wrong
with
the
soldier
who
saw
everything
twice
,
and
they
rolled
him
away
into
a
room
in
the
corridor
and
quarantined
everyone
else
in
the
ward
for
fourteen
days
.
Thanksgiving
Day
came
and
went
without
any
fuss
while
Yossarian
was
still
in
the
hospital
.
The
only
bad
thing
about
it
was
the
turkey
for
dinner
,
and
even
that
was
pretty
good
.
It
was
the
most
rational
Thanksgiving
he
had
ever
spent
,
and
he
took
a
sacred
oath
to
spend
every
future
Thanksgiving
Day
in
the
cloistered
shelter
of
a
hospital
.
He
broke
his
sacred
oath
the
very
next
year
,
when
he
spent
the
holiday
in
a
hotel
room
instead
in
intellectual
conversation
with
Lieutenant
Scheisskopf
’
s
wife
,
who
had
Dori
Duz
’
s
dog
tags
on
for
the
occasion
and
who
henpecked
Yossarian
sententiously
for
being
cynical
and
callous
about
Thanksgiving
,
even
though
she
didn
’
t
believe
in
God
just
as
much
as
he
didn
’
t
.
"
I
’
m
probably
just
as
good
an
atheist
as
you
are
,
"
she
speculated
boastfully
.
"
But
even
I
feel
that
we
all
have
a
great
deal
to
be
thankful
for
and
that
we
shouldn
’
t
be
ashamed
to
show
it
.
"
"
Name
one
thing
I
’
ve
got
to
be
thankful
for
,
"
Yossarian
challenged
her
without
interest
.
"
Well
…
"
Lieutenant
Scheisskopf
’
s
wife
mused
and
paused
a
moment
to
ponder
dubiously
.
"
Me
.
"
"
Oh
,
come
on
,
"
he
scoffed
.
