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- Джон Фоулз
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What
I
thought
I
would
do
(
I
already
,
in
preparation
,
bought
the
best
equipment
in
London
)
was
to
go
to
some
of
the
localities
where
there
were
rare
species
and
aberrations
and
get
proper
series
.
I
mean
turn
up
and
stay
somewhere
for
as
long
as
I
liked
,
and
go
out
and
collect
and
photograph
.
I
had
driving
lessons
before
they
went
and
I
got
a
special
van
.
There
were
a
lot
of
species
I
wanted
—
the
Swallowtail
for
instance
,
the
Black
Hairstreak
and
the
Large
Blue
,
rare
Fritil
-
laries
like
the
Heath
and
the
Glanville
.
Things
most
collectors
only
get
a
go
at
once
a
lifetime
.
There
were
moths
too
.
I
thought
I
might
take
them
up
.
What
I
’
m
trying
to
say
is
that
having
her
as
my
guest
happened
suddenly
,
it
wasn
’
t
something
I
planned
the
moment
the
money
came
.
Well
,
of
course
with
Aunt
Annie
and
Mabel
out
of
the
way
I
bought
all
the
books
I
wanted
,
some
of
them
I
didn
’
t
know
such
things
existed
,
as
a
matter
of
fact
I
was
disgusted
,
I
thought
here
I
am
stuck
in
a
hotel
room
with
this
stuff
and
it
’
s
a
lot
different
from
what
I
used
to
dream
of
about
Miranda
and
me
.
Suddenly
I
saw
I
’
d
thought
myself
into
thinking
her
completely
gone
out
of
my
life
,
as
if
we
didn
’
t
live
within
a
few
miles
of
each
other
(
I
was
moved
into
the
hotel
in
Paddington
then
)
and
I
hadn
’
t
anyhow
got
all
the
time
in
the
world
to
find
out
where
she
lived
.
It
was
easy
,
I
looked
up
the
Slade
School
of
Art
in
the
telephone
directory
,
and
I
waited
outside
one
morning
in
the
van
.
The
van
was
the
one
really
big
luxury
I
gave
myself
.
It
had
a
special
fitting
in
the
back
compartment
,
a
camp
bed
you
could
let
down
and
sleep
in
;
I
bought
it
to
carry
all
my
equipment
for
when
I
moved
round
the
country
,
and
also
I
thought
if
I
got
a
van
I
wouldn
’
t
always
have
to
be
taking
Aunt
Annie
and
Mabel
around
when
they
came
back
.
I
didn
’
t
buy
it
for
the
reason
I
did
use
it
for
.
The
whole
idea
was
sudden
,
like
a
stroke
of
genius
almost
.
The
first
morning
I
didn
’
t
see
her
,
but
the
next
day
at
last
I
did
.
She
came
out
with
a
lot
of
other
students
,
mostly
young
men
.
My
heart
beat
very
fast
and
I
felt
sick
.
I
had
the
camera
all
ready
,
but
I
couldn
’
t
dare
use
it
.
She
was
just
the
same
;
she
had
a
light
way
of
walking
and
she
always
wore
flat
heels
so
she
didn
’
t
have
that
mince
like
most
girls
.
She
didn
’
t
think
at
all
about
the
men
when
she
moved
.
Like
a
bird
.
All
the
time
she
was
talking
to
a
young
man
with
black
hair
,
cut
very
short
with
a
little
fringe
,
very
artistic
-
looking
.
There
were
six
of
them
,
but
then
she
and
the
young
man
crossed
the
street
.
I
got
out
of
the
van
and
followed
them
.
They
didn
’
t
go
far
,
into
a
coffee
-
bar
.
I
went
into
that
coffee
-
bar
,
suddenly
,
I
don
’
t
know
why
,
like
I
was
drawn
in
by
something
else
,
against
my
will
almost
.
It
was
full
of
people
,
students
and
artists
and
such
-
like
;
they
mostly
had
that
beatnik
look
.
I
remember
there
were
weird
faces
and
things
on
the
walls
.
It
was
supposed
to
be
African
,
I
think
.
There
were
so
many
people
and
the
noise
and
I
felt
so
nervous
I
didn
’
t
see
her
at
first
.
She
was
sitting
in
a
second
loom
at
the
back
.
I
sat
on
a
stool
at
the
counter
where
I
could
watch
.
I
didn
’
t
dare
look
very
often
and
the
light
in
the
other
room
wasn
’
t
very
good
.
Then
she
was
standing
right
next
me
.
I
was
pretending
to
read
a
newspaper
so
I
didn
’
t
see
her
get
up
.
I
felt
my
face
was
red
,
I
stared
at
the
words
but
I
couldn
’
t
read
,
I
daren
’
t
look
the
smallest
look
—
she
was
there
almost
touching
me
.
She
was
in
a
check
dress
,
dark
blue
and
white
it
was
,
her
arms
brown
and
bare
,
her
hair
all
loose
down
her
back
.
She
said
,
"
Jenny
,
we
’
re
absolutely
broke
,
be
an
angel
and
let
us
have
two
cigarettes
.
"
The
girl
behind
the
counter
said
,
"
Not
again
,
"
or
something
,
and
she
said
,
"
Tomorrow
,
I
swear
,
"
and
then
,
"
Bless
you
,
"
when
the
girl
gave
her
two
.
It
was
all
over
in
five
seconds
,
she
was
back
with
the
young
man
,
but
hearing
her
voice
turned
her
from
a
sort
of
dream
person
to
a
real
one
.
I
can
’
t
say
what
was
special
in
her
voice
.
Of
course
it
was
very
educated
,
but
it
wasn
’
t
la
-
di
-
da
,
it
wasn
’
t
slimy
,
she
didn
’
t
beg
the
cigarettes
or
like
demand
them
,
she
just
asked
for
them
in
an
easy
way
and
you
didn
’
t
have
any
class
feeling
.
She
spoke
like
she
walked
,
as
you
might
say
.
I
paid
as
quick
as
possible
and
went
back
to
the
van
and
the
Cremorne
and
my
room
.
I
was
really
upset
.
It
was
partly
that
she
had
to
borrow
cigarettes
because
she
had
no
money
and
I
had
sixty
thousand
pounds
(
I
gave
Aunt
Annie
ten
)
ready
to
lay
at
her
feet
—
because
that
is
how
I
felt
.
I
felt
I
would
do
anything
to
know
her
,
to
please
her
,
to
be
her
friend
,
to
be
able
to
watch
her
openly
,
not
spy
on
her
.
To
show
how
I
was
,
I
put
five
five
-
pound
notes
I
had
on
me
in
an
envelope
and
addressed
it
to
Miss
Miranda
Grey
,
the
Slade
School
of
Art
.
.
.
only
of
course
I
didn
’
t
post
it
.
I
would
have
if
I
could
have
seen
her
face
when
she
opened
it
.
