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- Джон Фоулз
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Clever
at
knowing
but
not
at
living
.
I
want
his
children
in
me
.
My
body
doesn
’
t
count
any
more
.
If
he
just
wants
that
he
can
have
it
.
I
couldn
’
t
ever
be
a
Toinette
.
A
collector
of
men
.
Being
cleverer
(
as
I
thought
)
than
most
men
,
and
cleverer
than
all
the
girls
I
knew
.
I
always
thought
I
knew
more
,
felt
more
,
understood
more
.
But
I
don
’
t
even
know
enough
to
handle
Caliban
.
All
sorts
of
bits
left
over
from
Ladymont
days
.
From
the
days
when
I
was
a
nice
little
middle
-
class
doctor
’
s
daughter
.
They
’
ve
gone
now
.
When
I
was
at
Ladymont
I
thought
I
could
manipulate
a
pencil
very
nicely
.
And
then
when
I
went
to
London
,
I
began
to
find
I
couldn
’
t
.
I
was
surrounded
by
people
who
were
just
as
skilled
as
I
was
.
More
so
.
I
haven
’
t
begun
to
know
how
to
handle
my
life
—
or
anyone
else
’
s
.
I
’
m
the
one
who
needs
lameducking
.
It
’
s
like
the
day
you
realize
dolls
are
dolls
.
I
pick
up
my
old
self
and
I
see
it
’
s
silly
.
A
toy
I
’
ve
played
with
too
often
.
It
’
s
a
little
sad
,
like
an
old
golliwog
at
the
bottom
of
the
cupboard
.
Innocent
and
used
-
up
and
proud
and
silly
.
G
.
P
.
