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- Джон Фоулз
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I
had
to
force
him
to
kiss
me
.
He
made
a
sort
of
feeble
pretence
of
being
afraid
that
he
might
lose
his
head
.
I
don
’
t
care
if
you
do
,
I
said
.
And
I
kissed
him
again
.
He
did
kiss
me
back
then
,
as
if
he
wanted
to
press
his
wretched
thin
inhibited
mouth
right
through
my
head
.
His
mouth
was
sweet
.
He
smelt
clean
and
I
shut
my
eyes
.
It
wasn
’
t
so
bad
.
But
then
he
suddenly
went
away
by
the
window
and
he
wouldn
’
t
come
back
.
He
wanted
to
run
away
,
but
he
couldn
’
t
,
so
he
stood
by
his
desk
,
half
turned
,
while
I
knelt
half
-
naked
by
the
fire
and
let
my
hair
down
,
just
to
make
it
quite
obvious
.
In
the
end
I
had
to
go
up
to
him
and
bring
him
back
to
the
fire
.
I
made
him
undo
my
hands
,
he
was
like
someone
in
a
trance
,
and
then
I
undressed
him
and
I
undressed
myself
.
I
said
,
don
’
t
be
nervous
,
I
want
to
do
this
.
Just
be
natural
.
But
he
wouldn
’
t
,
he
wouldn
’
t
.
I
did
everything
I
could
.
But
nothing
happened
.
He
wouldn
’
t
thaw
out
.
He
did
hold
me
tight
once
.
But
it
wasn
’
t
natural
.
Just
a
desperate
imitation
of
what
he
must
think
the
real
thing
’
s
like
.
Pathetically
unconvincing
.
He
can
’
t
do
it
.
There
’
s
no
man
in
him
.
I
got
up
,
we
were
lying
on
the
sofa
,
and
knelt
by
him
and
told
him
not
to
worry
.
Mothered
him
.
We
put
our
clothes
back
on
.
And
gradually
it
all
came
out
.
The
truth
about
him
.
And
later
,
his
real
self
.
A
psychiatrist
has
told
him
he
won
’
t
ever
be
able
to
do
it
.
