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- Джон Фоулз
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- Коллекционер
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- Стр. 239/299
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He
just
shook
his
head
.
I
don
’
t
know
if
he
meant
"
no
,
not
too
long
"
or
"
it
’
s
no
good
hoping
it
will
be
anything
else
but
very
long
.
"
Perhaps
he
didn
’
t
know
himself
.
But
he
looked
sad
.
He
looked
sad
all
through
.
Of
course
I
looked
sad
.
But
I
didn
’
t
really
feel
sad
.
Or
it
wasn
’
t
a
sadness
that
hurt
,
not
an
all
-
through
one
.
I
rather
enjoyed
it
.
Beastly
,
but
I
did
.
I
sang
on
the
way
home
.
The
romance
,
the
mystery
of
it
.
Living
.
I
thought
I
knew
I
didn
’
t
love
him
.
I
’
d
won
that
game
.
And
what
has
happened
since
?
That
first
day
or
two
,
I
kept
on
thinking
he
would
telephone
,
that
it
was
all
a
sort
of
whim
.
Then
I
would
think
,
I
shan
’
t
see
him
again
for
months
,
perhaps
years
,
and
it
seemed
ridiculous
.
Unnecessary
.
Stupid
beyond
belief
.
I
hated
what
seemed
his
weakness
.
I
thought
,
if
he
’
s
like
this
,
to
hell
with
him
.
That
didn
’
t
last
very
long
.
I
decided
to
decide
that
it
was
for
the
best
.
He
was
right
.
It
was
best
to
make
a
clean
break
.
I
would
concentrate
on
work
.
Be
practical
and
efficient
and
everything
that
I
’
m
not
really
by
nature
.
All
that
time
I
kept
thinking
,
do
I
love
him
?
Then
,
obviously
,
there
was
so
much
doubt
,
I
couldn
’
t
.
And
now
I
have
to
write
down
what
I
feel
now
.
Because
I
have
changed
again
.
I
know
it
.
I
feel
it
.
Looks
;
I
know
it
is
idiotically
wrong
to
have
preconceived
notions
about
looks
.
Getting
excited
when
Piers
kisses
me
.
Having
to
stare
at
him
sometimes
(
not
when
he
would
notice
,
because
of
his
vanity
)
but
feeling
his
looks
intensely
.
Like
a
beautiful
drawing
of
something
ugly
.
You
forget
about
the
ugliness
.
I
know
Piers
is
morally
and
psychologically
ugly
—
just
plain
and
dull
,
phoney
.
But
even
there
I
’
ve
changed
.
