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- Джон Фоулз
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- Коллекционер
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- Стр. 197/299
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We
even
had
a
talk
about
it
.
I
was
very
fair
.
I
defended
him
.
But
in
bed
I
lay
and
accused
him
to
myself
.
For
hours
.
The
first
thing
he
said
the
next
day
was
(
no
pretending
)
—
has
she
been
a
bitch
to
you
?
I
said
,
no
.
Not
at
all
.
Then
,
as
if
I
didn
’
t
care
,
why
should
she
?
He
smiled
.
I
know
what
you
’
re
feeling
,
he
seemed
to
say
.
It
made
me
want
to
slap
his
face
.
I
couldn
’
t
look
as
if
I
didn
’
t
care
,
which
made
it
worse
.
He
said
,
men
are
vile
.
I
said
,
the
vilest
thing
about
them
is
that
they
can
say
that
with
a
smile
on
their
faces
.
That
is
true
,
he
said
.
And
there
was
silence
.
I
wished
I
hadn
’
t
come
,
I
wished
I
’
d
cut
him
out
of
my
life
.
I
looked
at
the
bedroom
door
.
It
was
ajar
,
I
could
see
the
end
of
the
bed
.
I
said
,
I
’
m
not
able
to
put
life
in
compartments
yet
.
That
’
s
all
.
Look
,
Miranda
,
he
said
,
those
twenty
long
years
that
lie
between
you
and
me
.
I
’
ve
more
knowledge
of
life
than
you
,
I
’
ve
lived
more
and
betrayed
more
and
seen
more
betrayed
.
At
your
age
one
is
bursting
with
ideals
.
You
think
that
because
I
can
sometimes
see
what
’
s
trivial
and
what
’
s
important
in
art
that
I
ought
to
be
more
virtuous
.
But
I
don
’
t
want
to
be
virtuous
.
My
charm
(
if
there
is
any
)
for
you
is
simply
frankness
.
And
experience
.
Not
goodness
.
I
’
m
not
a
good
man
.
Perhaps
morally
I
’
m
younger
even
than
you
are
.
Can
you
understand
that
?
He
was
only
saying
what
I
felt
.
I
was
stiff
and
he
was
supple
,
and
it
ought
to
be
the
other
way
round
.
The
fault
all
mine
.
But
I
kept
on
thinking
,
he
took
me
to
the
concert
,
and
he
came
back
here
to
her
.
I
remembered
times
when
I
rang
the
bell
and
there
had
been
no
answer
.
I
see
now
it
was
all
sexual
jealousy
,
but
then
it
seemed
a
betrayal
of
principles
.
(
I
still
don
’
t
know
—
it
’
s
all
muddled
in
my
mind
.
I
can
’
t
judge
.
)
