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- Джон Фоулз
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- Коллекционер
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- Стр. 163/299
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It
’
s
odd
(
and
I
feel
a
little
guilty
)
but
I
have
been
feeling
happier
today
than
at
any
time
since
I
came
here
.
A
feeling
—
all
will
turn
out
for
the
best
.
Partly
because
I
did
something
this
morning
.
I
tried
to
escape
.
Then
,
Caliban
has
accepted
it
.
I
mean
if
he
was
going
to
attack
me
,
he
’
d
surely
do
it
at
some
time
when
he
had
a
reason
to
be
angry
.
As
he
was
this
morning
.
He
has
tremendous
self
-
control
,
in
some
ways
.
I
know
I
also
feel
happy
because
I
’
ve
been
not
here
for
most
of
the
day
.
I
’
ve
been
mainly
thinking
about
G
.
P
.
In
his
world
,
not
this
one
here
.
I
remembered
so
much
.
I
would
have
liked
to
write
it
all
down
.
I
gorged
myself
on
memories
.
This
world
makes
that
world
seem
so
real
,
so
living
,
so
beautiful
.
Even
the
sordid
parts
of
it
.
And
partly
,
too
,
it
’
s
been
a
sort
of
indulging
in
wicked
vanity
about
myself
.
Remembering
things
G
.
P
.
has
said
to
me
,
and
other
people
.
Knowing
I
am
rather
a
special
person
.
Knowing
I
am
intelligent
,
knowing
that
I
am
beginning
to
understand
life
much
better
than
most
people
of
my
age
.
Even
knowing
that
I
shall
never
be
so
stupid
as
to
be
vain
about
it
,
but
be
grateful
,
be
terribly
glad
(
especially
after
this
)
to
be
alive
,
to
be
who
I
am
—
Miranda
,
and
unique
.
I
shall
never
let
anyone
see
this
.
Even
if
it
is
the
truth
,
it
must
sound
vain
.
Just
as
I
never
let
other
girls
see
that
I
know
I
am
pretty
;
nobody
knows
how
I
’
ve
fallen
over
myself
not
to
take
that
unfair
advantage
.
Wandering
male
eyes
,
even
the
nicest
,
I
’
ve
snubbed
.
Minny
:
one
day
when
I
’
d
been
gushing
about
her
dress
when
she
was
going
out
to
a
dance
.
She
said
,
shut
up
.
You
’
re
so
pretty
you
don
’
t
even
have
to
try
.
G
.
P
.
saying
,
you
’
ve
every
kind
of
face
.
Wicked
.
October
21st
