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- Джеймс Барри
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Because
I
knew
the
maid
,
she
was
mine
.
Every
maid
,
I
say
,
is
for
him
who
can
know
her
.
The
others
had
but
followed
the
glamour
in
which
she
walked
,
but
I
had
pierced
it
and
found
the
woman
.
I
could
anticipate
her
every
thought
and
gesture
,
I
could
have
flashed
and
rippled
and
mocked
for
her
,
and
melted
for
her
and
been
dear
disdain
for
her
.
She
would
forget
this
and
be
suddenly
conscious
of
it
as
she
began
to
speak
,
when
she
gave
me
a
look
with
a
shy
smile
in
it
which
meant
that
she
knew
I
was
already
waiting
at
the
end
of
what
she
had
to
say
.
I
call
this
the
blush
of
the
eye
.
She
had
a
look
and
a
voice
that
were
for
me
alone
;
her
very
finger-tips
were
charged
with
caresses
for
me
.
And
I
loved
even
her
naughtinesses
,
as
when
she
stamped
her
foot
at
me
,
which
she
could
not
do
without
also
gnashing
her
teeth
,
like
a
child
trying
to
look
fearsome
.
How
pretty
was
that
gnashing
of
her
teeth
!
All
her
tormentings
of
me
turned
suddenly
into
sweetnesses
,
and
who
could
torment
like
this
exquisite
fury
,
wondering
in
sudden
flame
why
she
could
give
herself
to
anyone
,
while
I
wondered
only
why
she
could
give
herself
to
me
.
It
may
be
that
I
wondered
over-much
.
Perhaps
that
was
why
I
lost
her
.
It
was
in
the
full
of
the
moon
that
she
was
most
restive
,
but
I
brought
her
back
,
and
at
first
she
could
have
bit
my
hand
,
but
then
she
came
willingly
.
Never
,
I
thought
,
shall
she
be
wholly
tamed
,
but
he
who
knows
her
will
always
be
able
to
bring
her
back
.
I
am
not
that
man
,
for
mystery
of
mysteries
,
I
lost
her
.
I
know
not
how
it
was
,
though
in
the
twilight
of
my
life
that
then
began
I
groped
for
reasons
until
I
wearied
of
myself
;
all
I
know
is
that
she
had
ceased
to
love
me
;
I
had
won
her
love
,
but
I
could
not
keep
it
.
The
discovery
came
to
me
slowly
,
as
if
I
were
a
most
dull-witted
man
;
at
first
I
knew
only
that
I
no
longer
understood
her
as
of
old
.
I
found
myself
wondering
what
she
had
meant
by
this
and
that
;
I
did
not
see
that
when
she
began
to
puzzle
me
she
was
already
lost
to
me
.
It
was
as
if
,
unknowing
,
I
had
strayed
outside
the
magic
circle
.
When
I
did
understand
I
tried
to
cheat
myself
into
the
belief
that
there
was
no
change
,
and
the
dear
heart
bleeding
for
me
assisted
in
that
poor
pretence
.
She
sought
to
glide
to
me
with
swimming
eyes
as
before
,
but
it
showed
only
that
this
caressing
movement
was
still
within
her
compass
,
but
never
again
for
me
.
With
the
hands
she
had
pressed
to
her
breast
she
touched
mine
,
but
no
longer
could
they
convey
the
message
.
The
current
was
broken
,
and
soon
we
had
to
desist
miserably
from
our
pretences
.
She
could
tell
no
more
than
I
why
she
had
ceased
to
love
me
;
she
was
scarcely
less
anxious
than
I
that
I
should
make
her
love
me
again
,
and
,
as
I
have
said
,
she
waited
with
a
wonderful
tolerance
while
I
strove
futilely
to
discover
in
what
I
was
lacking
and
to
remedy
it
.
And
when
,
at
last
,
she
had
to
leave
me
,
it
was
with
compassionate
cries
and
little
backward
flights
.
The
failure
was
mine
alone
,
but
I
think
I
should
not
have
been
so
altered
by
it
had
I
known
what
was
the
defect
in
me
through
which
I
let
her
love
escape
This
puzzle
has
done
me
more
harm
than
the
loss
of
her
.
Nevertheless
,
you
must
know
(
if
I
am
to
speak
honestly
to
you
)
that
I
do
not
repent
me
those
dallyings
in
enchanted
fields
.
It
may
not
have
been
so
always
,
for
I
remember
a
black
night
when
a
poor
lieutenant
lay
down
in
an
oarless
boat
and
let
it
drift
toward
the
weir
.
But
his
distant
moans
do
not
greatly
pain
me
now
;
rather
am
I
elated
to
find
(
as
the
waters
bring
him
nearer
)
that
this
boy
is
I
,
for
it
is
something
to
know
that
,
once
upon
a
time
,
a
woman
could
draw
blood
from
me
as
from
another
.
I
saw
her
again
,
years
afterward
,
when
she
was
a
married
woman
playing
with
her
children
.
She
stamped
her
foot
at
a
naughty
one
,
and
I
saw
the
gleam
of
her
teeth
as
she
gnashed
them
in
the
dear
pretty
way
I
ca
n't
forget
;
and
then
a
boy
and
girl
,
fighting
for
her
shoulders
,
brought
the
whole
group
joyously
to
the
ground
.
She
picked
herself
up
in
the
old
leisurely
manner
,
lazily
active
,
and
looked
around
her
benignantly
,
like
a
cow
:
our
dear
wild
one
safely
tethered
at
last
with
a
rope
of
children
.
I
meant
to
make
her
my
devoirs
,
but
,
as
I
stepped
forward
,
the
old
wound
broke
out
afresh
,
and
I
had
to
turn
away
.
They
were
but
a
few
poor
drops
,
which
fell
because
I
found
that
she
was
even
a
little
sweeter
than
I
had
thought
.
I
have
now
told
you
(
I
presume
)
how
I
became
whimsical
,
and
I
fear
it
would
please
Mary
not
at
all
.
But
speaking
of
her
,
and
,
as
the
cat
's
light
keeps
me
in
a
ruminating
mood
,
suppose
,
instead
of
returning
Mary
to
her
lover
by
means
of
the
letter
,
I
had
presented
a
certain
clubman
to
her
consideration
?
Certainly
no
such
whimsical
idea
crossed
my
mind
when
I
dropped
the
letter
,
but
between
you
and
me
and
my
night-socks
,
which
have
all
this
time
been
airing
by
the
fire
because
I
am
subject
to
cold
feet
,
I
have
sometimes
toyed
with
it
since
.
Why
did
I
not
think
of
this
in
time
?
Was
it
because
I
must
ever
remain
true
to
the
unattainable
she
?
I
am
reminded
of
a
passage
in
the
life
of
a
sweet
lady
,
a
friend
of
mine
,
whose
daughter
was
on
the
eve
of
marriage
,
when
suddenly
her
lover
died
.
It
then
became
pitiful
to
watch
that
trembling
old
face
trying
to
point
the
way
of
courage
to
the
young
one
.
In
time
,
however
,
there
came
another
youth
,
as
true
,
I
dare
say
,
as
the
first
,
but
not
so
well
known
to
me
,
and
I
shrugged
my
shoulders
cynically
to
see
my
old
friend
once
more
a
matchmaker
.
She
took
him
to
her
heart
and
boasted
of
him
;
like
one
made
young
herself
by
the
great
event
,
she
joyously
dressed
her
pale
daughter
in
her
bridal
gown
,
and
,
with
smiles
upon
her
face
,
she
cast
rice
after
the
departing
carriage
.
But
soon
after
it
had
gone
,
I
chanced
upon
her
in
her
room
,
and
she
was
on
her
knees
in
tears
before
the
spirit
of
the
dead
lover
.
"
Forgive
me
,
"
she
besought
him
,
"
for
I
am
old
,
and
life
is
gray
to
friendless
girls
.
"
The
pardon
she
wanted
was
for
pretending
to
her
daughter
that
women
should
act
thus
