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"
So
do
I
.
But
these
days
I
can
’
t
talk
to
you
.
All
I
can
do
is
listen
and
nod
my
head
and
pretend
I
understand
all
about
cultural
variants
,
and
neo
-
Boulean
mathematics
,
and
post
-
symbolic
logic
,
and
I
feel
more
and
more
stupid
,
and
when
you
leave
the
apartment
,
I
have
to
stare
in
the
mirror
and
scream
at
myself
:
’
No
,
you
’
re
not
growing
duller
every
day
!
You
’
re
not
losing
your
intelligence
!
You
’
re
not
getting
senile
and
dull
-
witted
.
It
’
s
Charlie
exploding
forward
so
quickly
that
it
makes
it
appear
as
if
you
’
re
slip
ping
backwards
.
’
I
say
that
to
myself
,
Charlie
,
but
when
ever
we
meet
and
you
tell
me
something
and
look
at
me
in
that
impatient
way
,
I
know
you
’
re
laughing
.
"
And
when
you
explain
things
to
me
,
and
I
can
’
t
re
member
them
,
you
think
it
’
s
because
I
’
m
not
interested
and
don
’
t
want
to
take
the
trouble
.
But
you
don
’
t
know
how
I
torture
myself
when
you
’
re
gone
.
You
don
’
t
know
the
books
I
’
ve
struggled
over
,
the
lectures
I
’
ve
sat
in
on
at
Beekman
,
and
yet
whenever
I
talk
about
something
,
I
see
how
impatient
you
are
,
as
if
it
were
all
childish
.
I
wanted
you
to
be
intelligent
.
I
wanted
to
help
you
and
share
with
you
—
and
now
you
’
ve
shut
me
out
of
your
life
.
"
As
I
listened
to
what
she
was
saying
,
the
enormity
of
it
dawned
on
me
.
I
had
been
so
absorbed
in
myself
and
what
was
happening
to
me
that
I
never
thought
about
what
was
happening
to
her
.
She
was
crying
silently
as
we
left
the
school
,
and
I
found
myself
without
words
.
All
during
the
ride
on
the
bus
I
thought
to
myself
how
upside
-
down
the
situation
had
become
.
She
was
terrified
of
me
.
The
ice
had
broken
between
us
and
the
gap
was
widening
as
the
current
of
my
mind
carried
me
swiftly
into
the
open
sea
.
She
was
right
in
refusing
to
torture
herself
by
being
with
me
.
We
no
longer
had
anything
in
common
.
Simple
conversation
had
become
strained
.
And
all
there
was
be
tween
us
now
was
the
embarrassed
silence
and
unsatisfied
longing
in
a
darkened
room
.
"
You
’
re
very
serious
,
"
she
said
,
breaking
out
of
her
own
mood
and
looking
up
at
me
.
"
About
us
.
"
"
It
shouldn
’
t
make
you
so
serious
.
I
don
’
t
want
to
upset
you
.
You
’
re
going
through
a
great
trial
.
"
She
was
try
ing
to
smile
.
